Stupid Question
Question: What happened to the can of whipped cream?
Answer: You had children.
I mean really. You can only leave a can of whipped cream sit around so long, not that there is any real danger of it going bad, there is just reality. That stuff is like rock cocaine to the fat man.
The Holiday gathering passed. The whipped cream went untouched. Another day passed. The whipped cream went untouched. Over the course of the next two days only one of the two cans of whipped cream disappeared.
Good Question: Why did you leave one of the cans alone?
Answer: I was pacing myself.
Once upon a time I was caught red handed with a can in hand just about to perform the rarely seen but all to common, tilt the head back and fill the mouth till it overflows with dairy goodness maneuver. The mother asks, "Are you inhaling the gas?" and I foolishly think this might be the out I'm looking for rather than admit I'm a total pig with the whipped cream. I say, "Yes, I was inhaling the gas." This sparks an multi hour lecture, (ok maybe it was only ten minutes, but I was a teenager and it seemed like hours) on the dangers of nitrous oxide. Soon enough I learn my folly and try to back down and say I'm just a pig, but its too late. I have provoked the mama bear / nurse. The only thing to do is listen attentively and promise to never ever do it again (and stay away from the whipped cream for a couple days).
The other can is now open. Restraint. Restraint! I have none. I don't think I'm going to make my weight loss goal by my next doctors appointment. Damn this season and all it's sugary goodness.
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Answer: You had children.
I mean really. You can only leave a can of whipped cream sit around so long, not that there is any real danger of it going bad, there is just reality. That stuff is like rock cocaine to the fat man.
The Holiday gathering passed. The whipped cream went untouched. Another day passed. The whipped cream went untouched. Over the course of the next two days only one of the two cans of whipped cream disappeared.
Good Question: Why did you leave one of the cans alone?
Answer: I was pacing myself.
Once upon a time I was caught red handed with a can in hand just about to perform the rarely seen but all to common, tilt the head back and fill the mouth till it overflows with dairy goodness maneuver. The mother asks, "Are you inhaling the gas?" and I foolishly think this might be the out I'm looking for rather than admit I'm a total pig with the whipped cream. I say, "Yes, I was inhaling the gas." This sparks an multi hour lecture, (ok maybe it was only ten minutes, but I was a teenager and it seemed like hours) on the dangers of nitrous oxide. Soon enough I learn my folly and try to back down and say I'm just a pig, but its too late. I have provoked the mama bear / nurse. The only thing to do is listen attentively and promise to never ever do it again (and stay away from the whipped cream for a couple days).
The other can is now open. Restraint. Restraint! I have none. I don't think I'm going to make my weight loss goal by my next doctors appointment. Damn this season and all it's sugary goodness.
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 1:58 AM
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