Bad Bakers
So I want to know where all this supposedly bad fruitcake comes from. I love fruitcake. Every year we get at least one home made tasty treat. It's like banana nut bread meats cranberry surprise. One might be tempted to slather a little butter on there. Don't do it. It already has the perfect flavor combinations. Adding butter is just an auto condiment action, it can be resisted.
So either people really don't like this fruity goodness, or I've been very fortunate in my holiday baked goods encounters. It would seem that in order to send someone a bad fruitcake one would have to buy a stale one at some monster bakery and then ship it by slow ship around the world and back. To receive a bad fruitcake, is really to receive a message: You've made someone so angry he or she is sending you bad food in hopes that either you will feel obligated to eat it and it will make you sick, or you will regift it making enemies of your loved ones.
Where are the fruitcake police. Why is there no quality control. Are we just letting any poor fool who thinks owning an oven is license to bake, make these things. Perhaps there ought to be some sort of licensing, with pre holiday exams. Get your Fruitcake license by November or turn in your bread pan. Annual exams once you hit the age of 65. The madness must end.
If you received a bad fruit cake this year, ask the sender, "What did I do that you hate me so much?"
If you sent a bad fruitcake this year your shame knows no end. Sell all your worldly possessions and join a cloistered order. If you live long enough you may find redemption. Then again, you may not.
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So either people really don't like this fruity goodness, or I've been very fortunate in my holiday baked goods encounters. It would seem that in order to send someone a bad fruitcake one would have to buy a stale one at some monster bakery and then ship it by slow ship around the world and back. To receive a bad fruitcake, is really to receive a message: You've made someone so angry he or she is sending you bad food in hopes that either you will feel obligated to eat it and it will make you sick, or you will regift it making enemies of your loved ones.
Where are the fruitcake police. Why is there no quality control. Are we just letting any poor fool who thinks owning an oven is license to bake, make these things. Perhaps there ought to be some sort of licensing, with pre holiday exams. Get your Fruitcake license by November or turn in your bread pan. Annual exams once you hit the age of 65. The madness must end.
If you received a bad fruit cake this year, ask the sender, "What did I do that you hate me so much?"
If you sent a bad fruitcake this year your shame knows no end. Sell all your worldly possessions and join a cloistered order. If you live long enough you may find redemption. Then again, you may not.
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 12:43 AM
4 Comments:
Whatever happened to the jelly of the month club?
they say there's really only one fruitcake in the world, and everyone keeps passing it along to one another. well, for about the past 5 years now, i've been keeping that fruitcake in my freezer as a public service to everyone.
you're all welcome.
I'll eat pretty much anything with sugar in it, but I'm not too fond of the vast number of nuts in fruitcake. Homemade ones are definitely better than the storebought ones though.
pn - never got jellies. we got the fruit of the month club from harry and david. good stuff there. though all the pears turn ripe at teh same time and you can never eat em at once.
Tom -- While that is a blessing I will only feel truly safe once you climb a volcano and toss it in.
Diva -- but I like the nuts, its when they add candied cherries that the people must suffer.
tpg -- Is it a new age? are there golden fruitcake days ahead. Same bat time etc.
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