Geek Truth # 54
All geeks secretly aspire to be some sort of martial arts badass or master swordsman. (I was always partial to the idea of a battle axe). It's true. That is only the tip of the iceberg. All geeks think that the only thing separating them from this greatness is a small matter of time. A week or a month would be all it would take for said geek to be quoting the old Darth Vadar student master thing. Some geeks are so snowed, they think they have absorbed the skills through the television and books. I can kick your hind end to next week I've seen every episode of the green hornet.
Then there is the firm belief that any geek would become the ruler or grand vizier in a medieval kingdom, should one be transported across time or dimensions. (Through some feet of technology or explainable science of course, not a magic spell or any such nonsense). Never mind that so many geeks where glasses and wouldn't blend in the medieval land if they chose to actually be able to see. Never mind that most geeks don't really know how to make gunpowder or most any other modern piece of technology. Never mind that geeks are more often than not flabby chair jockeys and not able to fight. Never mind the complete lack of antibodies for the host of diseases rampant in medieval times. Never mind language or dialect. Geeks would rule the world.
Geeks also fail to think about other modern ideas like military codes of conduct. The geeks feels his knowledge would be invaluable, thus making one a prize to be fought over , rather than the reality of killing the unknown on sight just to be safe. The geek may be a master tactician when ordering pixels about the computer screen, but when faced with armed might of veteran campaigners the geek would probably wet the pants. Suffering 30 percent casualties in order to achieve an objective only works when that 30 percent is an idea on a screen rather than humans, or worse yet the geek. Unacceptable Losses.
In spirit the geek is Chuck Norris. In spirit the geek is Bruce Lee. In spirit the geek is Xena warrior princess. In reality the geek would be bloody from trying to throw the circular blades.
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Then there is the firm belief that any geek would become the ruler or grand vizier in a medieval kingdom, should one be transported across time or dimensions. (Through some feet of technology or explainable science of course, not a magic spell or any such nonsense). Never mind that so many geeks where glasses and wouldn't blend in the medieval land if they chose to actually be able to see. Never mind that most geeks don't really know how to make gunpowder or most any other modern piece of technology. Never mind that geeks are more often than not flabby chair jockeys and not able to fight. Never mind the complete lack of antibodies for the host of diseases rampant in medieval times. Never mind language or dialect. Geeks would rule the world.
Geeks also fail to think about other modern ideas like military codes of conduct. The geeks feels his knowledge would be invaluable, thus making one a prize to be fought over , rather than the reality of killing the unknown on sight just to be safe. The geek may be a master tactician when ordering pixels about the computer screen, but when faced with armed might of veteran campaigners the geek would probably wet the pants. Suffering 30 percent casualties in order to achieve an objective only works when that 30 percent is an idea on a screen rather than humans, or worse yet the geek. Unacceptable Losses.
In spirit the geek is Chuck Norris. In spirit the geek is Bruce Lee. In spirit the geek is Xena warrior princess. In reality the geek would be bloody from trying to throw the circular blades.
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posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 2:26 AM
3 Comments:
Being a geek myself, I have a number of geek friends. As such, although I have breached the Geek Code of Conduct and am not a Star Wars fan, I still had a ticket to opening night of Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. In order to get a decent seat (which was paramount to the Star Wars geeks I was with), we had to arrive at the showing two hours early.
Oh, the bleak, bleak sadness. For two hours, I got to watch short, tubby, greasy "Jedis" do battle with their sophisticated toy light sabers, complete with mouth-spun sound effects. And they all geniunely believed the had the mad, crazy saber skeelz.
"I got you! I totally got you just now. You're so dead. I got you."
And, of course, let us never forget The Star Wars Kid.
I love the star wars kid almost as much as I love Numa Numa.
That's awesome, dude. I stole it for my site. ;)
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