Be Prepared

So we've been watching baby girl on a pretty regular basis and one of the things I like to do is put on a cartoon or children's movie on the TV while she is playing in the exercise saucer. (Anything to hold her attention for a few more minutes before I have to pick her back up. Six hours of carrying around baby girl when you aren't used to it will kick one in the hind end). I note to the mother that our selection of movies in this area is pretty thin. Sure we have most every action adventure that has come down the pike, but in the kids department we have a three or four Disney flicks. I can only take so much Disney.

So I suggest to the mother that we pick up a copy of The Wizard of Oz. Its got all sorts of good stuff: Midgets, Song and dance, witches and a Flying Monkeys! This is a must have movie. So the mother acknowledges my request and no more is said about it.

So today she comes home from the discount shopping warehouse that I am ashamed that we frequent as much as we do, and drops a copy of The Muppets' Wizard of Oz. This is not what I asked for. Don't get me wrong I love Kermit and crew but I don't want them playing around with a classic film. I expect "wakka wakka wakka" from Fozzy Bear, not from Fozzy Bear as the Cowardly Lion.

I ask the mother if somehow she had misheard my request or just assumed a substitution was ok. She said she could never get the original Wizard of Oz for baby girl, as she had been quite terrified by the movie as a young girl, especially by the flying monkeys.

Well I say baby girl might as well start watching the flying monkeys now, because when I'm Benevolent Lord and Dictator For Life (that is an official title expect no actual benevolence) one of my first official proclamations will be to announce the creation and continued funding of the Benevolent Lord and Dictator's Flying Monkey Minion Research Center and Wildlife Refuge (Flying Monkey Minions need something to eat). Just having men in black enforcing my my will with an iron fist wouldn't quite capture the feel of my regime. No only Flying Monkey Minions swooping down in the dark of night to punish all transgressions against me and reward loyal informants, would make the right kind of statement.

I'm mean think about how this would come out if it were the muppet version of my regime? I wouldn't have flying monkey minions. It would probably be something creepy like flying elmos like bright red cupids darting about spreading cheer and love instead of oppressing the populace.

Really the mother has to start preparing baby girl now for the harsh and unpleasant world I intend to control. These muppets would only coddle her.

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