Apparel Conjecture

So I have to do most of my clothing shopping at Casual Male: Big and Tall. Sure one likes to think that being 6'3" tall necessitates this choice, but there are plenty of people my height who can do their shopping at department stores, or just grab something of a rack at the evil known as Wal - Mart (note I will not link to them). I go to the Casual Male store because I'm fat. I'm just the other side of the waist line divide. 44" and less shop anywhere. 46" and over and its time to move into the specialty shops.

Pants I never have a problem with. I know my waist size and how much wiggle room I need. When I run into T - Shirts and Jackets I have a problem. At big and tall they everything from XXL to 10XLT and I find myself always getting things that are two or three "X"s too big. The sales people are no help. For some reason they staff the place with a young lady who sits at the register and chews gum bored to tears, or worse yet the ones who follow you around the store commenting on your stylistic decisions! I know what I like! I don't want or need a fashion consultant! Even if I wanted help in that department it wouldn't be from some young girl who wants to make me look trendy. I want an old distinguished man who has been working with men's clothes all his life. I want a guy like the suit salesman in Joe Versus the Volcano. "The clothes make the man." Indeed.

But no, I'm in there by myself and I'm looking at the 5XL's thinking, "You wont even see a hint of my man boobs if I wear this. The shirt will just hang of em making it look like I have these massive pectoral muscles!" Right and the fifteen tons of fabric hanging in front of your pants like a circus tent wont be a massive hint.

On the other hand I've been noticing that plus size women seem to making the opposite mistake. They shop for the waist line the want after they loose a couple pounds. You end up with this shirts that sort of cling to their chest and midriff, making em look even more out of shape than they actually are and distinctly less appealing.

And then there are people like my mother and her friend who were walking through Cracker Barrel and stopped too look at this hideous brown sweater with these autumn leafs on it and both of em commented on how cute it was. I mean this thing was just tacky and not in a way that would appeal to my perverse love of the absurd and unusual. How could they possibly think its cute.

In summary: Men are inclined to buy clothes that are too big and should shop with a distinguished older man. Woman buy clothes that are too small and should probably shop with gay men. Diabetic women in their fifties have terrible taste in clothing. Just smile and say, "Oh that would look wonderful on you mom."

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