Fast Food Quandary
So I'm out for my evening constitutional, a couple miles from the house, when it occurs to me that I'm really hungry, not just a tad bit hungry, but stomach growling feeling sort of weak hungry. I had some left over pizza for lunch, but that was hours and hours ago. Without sustenance I will not be able to complete the walk. I'll collapse in the street. I'm fading fast. I'm doomed.
I'm on Western Avenue so I need not worry. There are stores, bars and fast food dispensaries on every other block. Sure all the really gppd mom and pop grease joints are closed for the night, but that is O.K. I'm not suppose to eat that stuff anyway. Must loose weight, lower bad cholesterol, raise good, and reduce blood pressure. The doctor told me this and he has advanced degrees and stuff. Plus being physically fit will not only raise self esteem but sex appeal. Sex appeal is good it increases the chance of having sex. WHo can argue with something like that.
So I think to myself: Taco Bell. Not exactly healthy but a couple of those dirt cheap soft shell tacos and an ice water would sure go down well and its only a half mile away. A couple blocks later I'm thinking hmm maybe three tacos and as I stroll up to the building I've settled on four as being just about enough. And I love these things. None of that authentic spicy stuff for me I want reddish meat paste whose origin I cannot identify wrapped up in a flour tortilla and sprinkled with lettuce and cheese. I want to walk down the street and stuff em down my gullet in three monster bites.
The Lights are on. The Drive through is full. The door is closed. I cannot get my tacos. I am not happy. I think maybe I can pay somebody to drive me through. I'd be like the little kids waiting outside the liquor store.
"Hey mister if I give you ten bucks will you buy me some tacos?" No man I swear I have a car at home I just forgot it and these guys wont sell me tacos without one!
Why must I must I own a car to get tacos late?! I feel there the situation is without justice. If the sign says open late it should men open late for poor people like me who just want a couple two three four ok maybe five measly tacos. I am prepared to cry and still famished.
Then I remember the Dunkin' Donuts a couple blocks back. They are open twenty four seven. They wont even look at a fat guy covered in sweet cross eyed, but just take my money and give me pastry goodness. But not really pastry. I will not be tempted by the stale pastries on display. I know they might have some fresh ones in the back, but those aren't for sale. It's not even worth asking the guy to make the trip. Nope just go with the cookies that leave the grease spots on the wax paper. And maybe a coffee. No an iced coffee, an iced latte, an iced mocha! With whipped cream. Yummy. Don't think about the fat and sugar grams. Don't think about the massive dose of caffeine this late in the evening. Don't think about how packed the glass is with ice and how one might get a smaller glass and almost get the same amount of liquid refreshment. Concentrate on ones anger with taco bell and how they are forcing you to eat this unhealthy (delicious) stuff. Bastards.
I should probably turn back towards home. Not enough water in this beverage to keep me hydrated for the extra miles. Make sure I only leave the house with enough money to make an emergency phone call tomorrow. Best not tempt fate. It was a good mocha.
More Laters
I'm on Western Avenue so I need not worry. There are stores, bars and fast food dispensaries on every other block. Sure all the really gppd mom and pop grease joints are closed for the night, but that is O.K. I'm not suppose to eat that stuff anyway. Must loose weight, lower bad cholesterol, raise good, and reduce blood pressure. The doctor told me this and he has advanced degrees and stuff. Plus being physically fit will not only raise self esteem but sex appeal. Sex appeal is good it increases the chance of having sex. WHo can argue with something like that.
So I think to myself: Taco Bell. Not exactly healthy but a couple of those dirt cheap soft shell tacos and an ice water would sure go down well and its only a half mile away. A couple blocks later I'm thinking hmm maybe three tacos and as I stroll up to the building I've settled on four as being just about enough. And I love these things. None of that authentic spicy stuff for me I want reddish meat paste whose origin I cannot identify wrapped up in a flour tortilla and sprinkled with lettuce and cheese. I want to walk down the street and stuff em down my gullet in three monster bites.
The Lights are on. The Drive through is full. The door is closed. I cannot get my tacos. I am not happy. I think maybe I can pay somebody to drive me through. I'd be like the little kids waiting outside the liquor store.
"Hey mister if I give you ten bucks will you buy me some tacos?" No man I swear I have a car at home I just forgot it and these guys wont sell me tacos without one!
Why must I must I own a car to get tacos late?! I feel there the situation is without justice. If the sign says open late it should men open late for poor people like me who just want a couple two three four ok maybe five measly tacos. I am prepared to cry and still famished.
Then I remember the Dunkin' Donuts a couple blocks back. They are open twenty four seven. They wont even look at a fat guy covered in sweet cross eyed, but just take my money and give me pastry goodness. But not really pastry. I will not be tempted by the stale pastries on display. I know they might have some fresh ones in the back, but those aren't for sale. It's not even worth asking the guy to make the trip. Nope just go with the cookies that leave the grease spots on the wax paper. And maybe a coffee. No an iced coffee, an iced latte, an iced mocha! With whipped cream. Yummy. Don't think about the fat and sugar grams. Don't think about the massive dose of caffeine this late in the evening. Don't think about how packed the glass is with ice and how one might get a smaller glass and almost get the same amount of liquid refreshment. Concentrate on ones anger with taco bell and how they are forcing you to eat this unhealthy (delicious) stuff. Bastards.
I should probably turn back towards home. Not enough water in this beverage to keep me hydrated for the extra miles. Make sure I only leave the house with enough money to make an emergency phone call tomorrow. Best not tempt fate. It was a good mocha.
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 12:05 AM
8 Comments:
I suggest you sue Taco Bell as it is their wrongdoing that you ended up consuming fatty anmd sugary Dunkin Donuts fare.
And don't worry about the fees, bassed on this, I'd say you'd win.
But how do I find a lawyer who is sleezy enough to take the case but nhot so much that he / she would take my money and run?
Its just so confusing. I'll need to add punitive emotional damages.
Now to curl up in the fetal position and cry.
heh! =D I'd represent you but then I'm just a smart alec who can't even win a friggin' BE battle of the blogs...I'd work for peanuts though...literally.
^
^^^
l
l
l
l
And I thought my comments were long! Is that blog-spam?
Dude, why not walk up to the window? I've done it before, it was very entertaining and I got my food. Though if you try to go through Burger King's drive-thru backwards, they won't service you. Like, where's that RULE posted, cuz I haven't seen it.
I'm not walking up. Those mad people will run you down. half of em are probably drunk and getting th post bar munchies. NOt a safe place to be a pedestrian.
I listen to the local drive-thru chatter on my police scanner sometimes. Weekend nights are the best, of course. You would be amazed at what people try to pull. It's funny to hear the employees commenting on patron antics when they don't realize any Joe-shmoe can listen :)
I never thought about that. Those guys all wearthose radio headsets now. Broadcasting weird stuff to distance they wouldnt believe.
If your on a radio you are on a frequency. Same with cellphones, although you have to do some illegal fiddling with your scanner to get those (cell frequencies) on purpose. Sometimes you can catch them accidentally just like with baby monitors, or cordless phones.
Post a Comment
<< Home