An Opportunity Squandered

So the old man suggested that I put my resume together and send it to the people in Rome as I obviously wont be in the running for the job of Pope unless the Cardinals know about me, and its not like I have a lot on my plate right now anyway. I was confirmed back in eight grade and while I may have claimed to be an agnostic a time or two on this site, there is a certain level of deniability attached to internet publishing. I just delete the site and if some one comes across a search engine cache I just say, "It wasn't me."

"But there are pictures of you in the profile and on the linked photo blog."

"Some one must be using a picture of me."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Well then I guess it is all right then."

It would have worked perfectly too, but I spent too many days wondering what I would do with the kind of supreme spiritual power and forgot to put a resume together and get it mailed out. These guys start voting and just a couple hours and even with same day shipping I don't think I can fabricate, erm I mean edit my resume to reflect job salient points, in time to get elected. So no white robe and white pointy hat (miter) for me.

I still reserve the option of going to one of those one line ordination sites and getting sanctified with the press of a button. Then I can just hang my shingle and start professing my own particular flavor of whatever seems like good news to me. If my straight forward attempt at global domination a.k.a the Master Plan (to take over the world) fails it is always good to have the Spiritual Leader Backup Plan (to make money and take advantage of women). And you get to have the "rev" abbreviation on all your documents. How's that for getting you a little extra service from the red tape people.

Really, now that I think on it some more, the opportunity to write my own scriptures and commandments would be the only way to go. I don't think I could have sold the Catholics on denim jeans as official papal regalia and of course there would have been a lot of objections to replacing confession with my new sacrament of the lap dance. I start out fresh and people just have to accept that I am divinely inspired.

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