Crackpot Theory : East Is North

Welcome to another edition of Crackpot Theory. Today we will now discuss why the direction all of you believe to be East is actually North. Let me explain.

So I'm walking around the neighborhood the other day. The outside temperature cracked the forty degree Fahrenheit mark that I draw as the weather reasonably warm enough to do one's exercise outside. Living in a house of five adults, four cats and one emotional output machine that people have named baby I find that putting a healthy distance between myself and the residence is not only good for the body but helpful to the mind as well. It gives me time to think, to be alone in my mind and try to get a little bit of the universal understanding through self exploration. Ok that last bit is just a way of saying I think about the things I'm willing to write about and how I would approach each topic. Often whole ideas are worked through and forgotten before I ever get back to a computer but just the act of setting the mental wheels turning usually results in a better quality of prose.

So I'm walking along completely lost in the world inside my head with my body pretty much on auto pilot. I have a very visual style of navigating. I keep in my mind a sort of map of shapes and dimensions that while I could never draw it from memory I can pretty much allow my body to move itself as long as my eyes keep picking up on familiar visual cues. So I'm lost in my own mind and its dark out. The lack of light allows my eyes to keep primarily focused on the sidewalk ahead and after a brief bit my mind has lost its house and landmark reference system. I'm on autopilot moving without a navigation system when suddenly it occurs to me I have no idea where I am.

I am instantly dragged back to reality. What reality? I don't know. In my mind I was somehow under the impression that I had been walking north but when I look at the crosswalk signs in my very much confused state I notice that it says I'm facing east. I turn to my left and yes I can start to make out familiar visual cues that my mind would signify as north but here I am with my body facing east and boy do I have one heck of a headache.

My mind is not prepared to accept the evidence before my eyes. Somehow it seems to me that the entire universe has shifted ninety degrees to the right that is to say that the true North of my old world has spun to the right and become the East of this world.

One might think I was just obviously disoriented by loosing my internal navigation. Sure that might be a scientific way to describe what happened to me. The Paranoid in me likes to think that the universe actually shifted. The Paranoid has questions.

Now did I shift alone to the right? Are all the people I know Actually all the people I know from the old universe shifted over with me or are they in fact their dopplegangers from this new north plus ninety degree universe. How long will it be before My mind accepts this new reality as the only reality? If these are the doppleganger people will they be different. Am I in my own body or to my spirit alone shift ninety degrees and now I inhabit an oddly familiar body that belongs to a complete stranger. Are there any major differences in this new world? Is this a fluke reality shift? Will I be sent back to the old universe. Will I do a sort of quantum leap universal leap on a regular basis. Can I stop in one where my body easily metabolizes chocolate and it is in fact the most healthy thing I can eat? Is sex better in this new universe? Would I know the difference? Could I avoid the entire reality shift If I kept my walks to busier streets that have more easily recognized visual landmarks.

The optimist in me likes to think of this as an opportunity to entertain a fresh new audience of doppleganger readers.

More Laters