Relationship Epiphany
So I'm out walking the mean streets of Chicago (OK Beverly really, but mean streets sounds so much cooler and tougher) and I'm thinking, "Do I dare broach the topic of sex or relationships?"
If one were so inclined as to read through the past year or so of ramblings I produced (minus the few months of absence) one might notice a definite trend in regards to the topics of sex, relationships and my involvement or lack there of in those areas. Sure I go on at length about internet dating sites, but that is more of a voyeuristic fascination with the entire internet culture and morbid desire to see if anyone I know is listed and what they write about themselves. Other than that I've pretty much kept my mouth shut about the entire thing.
But I'm thinking, "If I ever want to make money writing, I need to be able to break through certain barriers and talk about subjects that make me decidedly uncomfortable." Life is pretty messy and a sanitized version of it doesn't ever hold appeal. With that overly long preamble I shall make my first sally into this field.
I was just learning about sex and becoming a teenager back during the late 80's and early 90's a time when AIDS and HIV were really becoming big news. Remember Ryan White? We watched the made for TV movie about him in grade school and had to write em letters of support. Back then if you tested positive for HIV it might stay dormant for a long time but very often it would progress to AIDS and you were out of the picture before anyone knew what happened. The general idea in my mind was that by the time I was an adult people would carry around their std test results with em in their wallets and purses. A few years later as my parents were dropping me off at college for the very first time my father said this,"Richard, even nice girls can have nasty diseases."
One can see how the idea of casual sex is somewhat appalling to me. I have a sort of visual mental image of having ones genitals shrivel up and fall off almost immediately after such an act. On a few occasions when I've had enough liquid courage I would try use all my charm and wits and get myself in a situation where I was with a willing partner and unable to perform, thus shamed and never able to face that person again. This was back before the days of Viagra and impotence commercials so of course I never discussed it with anyone.
I would try let women know hat I wasn't interested in casual sex but wanted a relationship with someone first yet this never seemed to work out. At the time due to my low self esteem I always assumed they found me physically unattractive as a fat man. But I'm a good looking guy. Even overweight and balding I look pretty dang good. I got lucky in the genetic department.
As I was walking this evening thinking about the women I would spend time with it came to me how these women saw me. I was a fun guy to be around. I was witty smart and funny and a bartender, but I had no real plan for a future. I would attend school on and off and when asked what I wanted to do for a living I said I wanted to write. I had worked in a factory for three years and never wanted to be in that sort of situation again, but I didn't have any sort of future planned out that anyone could count on. I was basically not someone you could count on to either provide or be a partner, but someone who was a potential weight around the neck, good for a one night stand as a few hinted they wouldn't object to, but basically not someone to take home to the parents. I remember one girl who I really think was in love with me (though I might just be blowing smoke up my hind end) asking me if maybe I could get a teaching certificate or try writing for a newspaper or magazine and when I said that I didn't think I could do that she started seeing someone else. Smart Girl.
So that's why I don't talk about sex and while I'm not sure I really want this out on the internet I'm going to hit publish anyway. (after spell check of course).
More Laters
If one were so inclined as to read through the past year or so of ramblings I produced (minus the few months of absence) one might notice a definite trend in regards to the topics of sex, relationships and my involvement or lack there of in those areas. Sure I go on at length about internet dating sites, but that is more of a voyeuristic fascination with the entire internet culture and morbid desire to see if anyone I know is listed and what they write about themselves. Other than that I've pretty much kept my mouth shut about the entire thing.
But I'm thinking, "If I ever want to make money writing, I need to be able to break through certain barriers and talk about subjects that make me decidedly uncomfortable." Life is pretty messy and a sanitized version of it doesn't ever hold appeal. With that overly long preamble I shall make my first sally into this field.
I was just learning about sex and becoming a teenager back during the late 80's and early 90's a time when AIDS and HIV were really becoming big news. Remember Ryan White? We watched the made for TV movie about him in grade school and had to write em letters of support. Back then if you tested positive for HIV it might stay dormant for a long time but very often it would progress to AIDS and you were out of the picture before anyone knew what happened. The general idea in my mind was that by the time I was an adult people would carry around their std test results with em in their wallets and purses. A few years later as my parents were dropping me off at college for the very first time my father said this,"Richard, even nice girls can have nasty diseases."
One can see how the idea of casual sex is somewhat appalling to me. I have a sort of visual mental image of having ones genitals shrivel up and fall off almost immediately after such an act. On a few occasions when I've had enough liquid courage I would try use all my charm and wits and get myself in a situation where I was with a willing partner and unable to perform, thus shamed and never able to face that person again. This was back before the days of Viagra and impotence commercials so of course I never discussed it with anyone.
I would try let women know hat I wasn't interested in casual sex but wanted a relationship with someone first yet this never seemed to work out. At the time due to my low self esteem I always assumed they found me physically unattractive as a fat man. But I'm a good looking guy. Even overweight and balding I look pretty dang good. I got lucky in the genetic department.
As I was walking this evening thinking about the women I would spend time with it came to me how these women saw me. I was a fun guy to be around. I was witty smart and funny and a bartender, but I had no real plan for a future. I would attend school on and off and when asked what I wanted to do for a living I said I wanted to write. I had worked in a factory for three years and never wanted to be in that sort of situation again, but I didn't have any sort of future planned out that anyone could count on. I was basically not someone you could count on to either provide or be a partner, but someone who was a potential weight around the neck, good for a one night stand as a few hinted they wouldn't object to, but basically not someone to take home to the parents. I remember one girl who I really think was in love with me (though I might just be blowing smoke up my hind end) asking me if maybe I could get a teaching certificate or try writing for a newspaper or magazine and when I said that I didn't think I could do that she started seeing someone else. Smart Girl.
So that's why I don't talk about sex and while I'm not sure I really want this out on the internet I'm going to hit publish anyway. (after spell check of course).
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 11:59 PM
4 Comments:
You can't win if you don't play the game!!
I decided sometime around 22/23 that I'm not so into meaningless sex and the fact that you can catch disease from it. I'll wait for a relationship with the perfect woman before I dive in those waters again. (of course I say that while I'm sober, wait til I drunk blog again, and a new opposite answer will spew forth).
you're right on with your concern. you wouldn't want to write sex scenes like james patterson does. one moment, you're reading a pretty good story, the next, you're reading some forced, awkward, and irrelevant sex scene (cue dirty, low budget, porn music here....not that that's a bad thing, just not appropriate). if his life experiences reflect in his writing.....nothing more is to be said.
Reading hemmingway is like that. you just want to slap em around a bit and teach em a few facts of life.
I dont think Id ever do a graphic depiction of sex in a novel, more like the fade to black sort of thing, have the narrator explain how uncouth it would be to intrude on the moment.
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