I'm Sorry But
That's the name of a book I've been thinking about writing for some time now. See if you preface any sentence with the phrase, "I'm sorry but," you have cued everyone into the fact that you are about to expel a socially repulsive but honest belief and they are obliged to refrain from taking offense because it might hurt your feelings. I figure there are quite a few people who would be offended if I were to start spreading about my deep dark true honest feelings so it would just be safer to just start out the book with a blanket apology.
I could go topically by chapter. Let say chapter five could be called: I don't like sports fans,I don't see the point. I'm covered with the title apology so I can go on to blast people who praise football players and know every single statistic and listen raptly as these, supposedly college educated beefcakes, spew forth jargon laced analysis of their game day. I could talk about how absolutely dull basketball is to watch and wonder aloud how many people would go to the baseball park if there wasn't beer readily available.
Many chapters would have to be set aside for the religions. Top of my list thought would be the Christians who start quoting chapter and verse from the King James version of the Bible. It's not bad enough that they have to take a sentence or two out of context to quote at people as if it were a well thought out response to a question but they have to use a version of the book that is so hopelessly out of step with the language that we speak. The English of 1611 was a far cry from the English we speak now. Heck the English we speak in America is often a far cry from the English people speak in any part of the world.
One can barely contemplate the wrath I have stored for the "cute" chapter. Oh how I would seethe in righteous indignation about anyone who would ever think about making any sort of major purchase on the sole basis of whether it was cute or not. I knew a girl who bought an Apple because it was cute. I just about screamed when I head that. Also there is the entire category of knick knack stuff. I would be a major hypocrite in that part as I own all sorts of goofy and weird stuff like a JESUS - ACTION FIGURE and a Big Boy Bobble head.
"I'm sorry but .. " Would be an immensely popular coffee table book that could be branded and turned into an "I'm sorry but..." Party game. Shock your friends and family with brutal honesty. Maybe an "I'm sorry but ..." Reality television show even though I despise them and by association people who watch them. Finally the Line of clothing. I Copyright the phrase and sell "I'm sorry but T - shirts and base ball caps. People will know you have arrived if you show up to the party wearing an "I'm sorry but ..." Logo.
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I could go topically by chapter. Let say chapter five could be called: I don't like sports fans,I don't see the point. I'm covered with the title apology so I can go on to blast people who praise football players and know every single statistic and listen raptly as these, supposedly college educated beefcakes, spew forth jargon laced analysis of their game day. I could talk about how absolutely dull basketball is to watch and wonder aloud how many people would go to the baseball park if there wasn't beer readily available.
Many chapters would have to be set aside for the religions. Top of my list thought would be the Christians who start quoting chapter and verse from the King James version of the Bible. It's not bad enough that they have to take a sentence or two out of context to quote at people as if it were a well thought out response to a question but they have to use a version of the book that is so hopelessly out of step with the language that we speak. The English of 1611 was a far cry from the English we speak now. Heck the English we speak in America is often a far cry from the English people speak in any part of the world.
One can barely contemplate the wrath I have stored for the "cute" chapter. Oh how I would seethe in righteous indignation about anyone who would ever think about making any sort of major purchase on the sole basis of whether it was cute or not. I knew a girl who bought an Apple because it was cute. I just about screamed when I head that. Also there is the entire category of knick knack stuff. I would be a major hypocrite in that part as I own all sorts of goofy and weird stuff like a JESUS - ACTION FIGURE and a Big Boy Bobble head.
"I'm sorry but .. " Would be an immensely popular coffee table book that could be branded and turned into an "I'm sorry but..." Party game. Shock your friends and family with brutal honesty. Maybe an "I'm sorry but ..." Reality television show even though I despise them and by association people who watch them. Finally the Line of clothing. I Copyright the phrase and sell "I'm sorry but T - shirts and base ball caps. People will know you have arrived if you show up to the party wearing an "I'm sorry but ..." Logo.
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posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 2:38 AM
2 Comments:
I would buy it. I would also buy the "I'm sorry bobble butt" action figure, I'm sure it would be cute.
I'm the "I'm sorry but..." queen. Sometimes I say, "I don't mean to be rude, but..." and sometimes I say "I'm sorry, but...". And I hear it sometimes too. Like when I say, "Come home with me and spend the night," it's always nice to hear, "I'm sorry, but I just want to be friends." That's always nice to hear, yup. Although I have stopped throwing myself at my friend now and we're just... well... friends.
Sign me up for a copy. My coffee table - once I get the kids away from it and wipe off the remains of the little man's granola bar - would be a great home for your tome. Write on!
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