My Reign of Evil
So I've been pilfering chocolate out of every one's Christmas stockings. My brother warned his wife that leaving an unguarded stocking is like giving me permission to have at it, but she didn't heed his advice the first night and the majority of the milk chocolate disappeared.
On Christmas morning my brother thought he had made a preemptive strike with his purchase of pounds and pounds of dark chocolate for me. I have a super stash of dark chocolate. Mounds, Lindt, Hershey. Mine all Mine. Yet he didn't get me any milk chocolate and man can not live on a diet of dark chocolate alone. So I ate some of theirs.
The old man has been foolish. He realized that I would be into his stocking, but really didn't care. He gets all sorts of desert items from restaurant in his district whenever he goes to lunch. He had not figured on his wife deciding that she was just going to ignore her diabetes and eat all the Christmas goodies. So went all the peppermint patties.
This leaves the Rolos. I'm partial to chocolate and caramel, but Rolo just doesn't seem worth it to me anymore. With my bad teeth its just an invitation to get gooey sugar stuck in a hard to reach spot. If the Rolos get the least bit cold they are as hard as a rock. That's tooth breaking / chipping area. I avoid the Rolos and leave em to who ever wants em. (Usually the old man).
Finally the miniature Mr. Goodbar. I swear there are more peanuts in those things than chocolate. Stale peanuts and barely any milk chocolate do not make much of a prize. Everyone leaves those alone and if we are not careful while putting away stockings one can usually find a Mr. Goodbar or two stock in the tip of the stocking when laying them out for the new season.
The mother asks, "Have you been into your father's stocking?"
I reply, "No."
Mom asks, "Are you lying to me?"
I say, "Yes."
And every time she is surprised when the candy is gone in days or that the whipped cream from the desert pie did not last out the night. One would think they would learn.
I'm not repentant. The chocolate was good. So maybe I'm a little evil.
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On Christmas morning my brother thought he had made a preemptive strike with his purchase of pounds and pounds of dark chocolate for me. I have a super stash of dark chocolate. Mounds, Lindt, Hershey. Mine all Mine. Yet he didn't get me any milk chocolate and man can not live on a diet of dark chocolate alone. So I ate some of theirs.
The old man has been foolish. He realized that I would be into his stocking, but really didn't care. He gets all sorts of desert items from restaurant in his district whenever he goes to lunch. He had not figured on his wife deciding that she was just going to ignore her diabetes and eat all the Christmas goodies. So went all the peppermint patties.
This leaves the Rolos. I'm partial to chocolate and caramel, but Rolo just doesn't seem worth it to me anymore. With my bad teeth its just an invitation to get gooey sugar stuck in a hard to reach spot. If the Rolos get the least bit cold they are as hard as a rock. That's tooth breaking / chipping area. I avoid the Rolos and leave em to who ever wants em. (Usually the old man).
Finally the miniature Mr. Goodbar. I swear there are more peanuts in those things than chocolate. Stale peanuts and barely any milk chocolate do not make much of a prize. Everyone leaves those alone and if we are not careful while putting away stockings one can usually find a Mr. Goodbar or two stock in the tip of the stocking when laying them out for the new season.
The mother asks, "Have you been into your father's stocking?"
I reply, "No."
Mom asks, "Are you lying to me?"
I say, "Yes."
And every time she is surprised when the candy is gone in days or that the whipped cream from the desert pie did not last out the night. One would think they would learn.
I'm not repentant. The chocolate was good. So maybe I'm a little evil.
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 4:32 AM
2 Comments:
Toblarone (sp?) has a dark chocolate flavor out now.
I dream about it often.
stolen chocolate tastes best
i stole chocolates from another mailbox at work
it tasted good
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