Cotton Swab Addict
I can't help myself. Every time I see a cotton swab I wonder, "Are my ears clean? Has there been a massive wax build up since my last use? Why is the sky blue?" (Who's asking?) Invariably I will use one fo the cotton swabs. I could have just cleaned out my ears not five hours ago. I could know this for a fact. Be very, very sure of the fact that my ears, are indeed, without wax. I reach for that little stick thingy anyways. Doesn't matter if I'm at home or using someone else's bathroom. If I see a cotton swab, I use it.
Now this can lead to an embarrassing situation. Can't just leave a dirty swab in someone's bathroom trash. They might notice. Can't flush em cause they might get caught in the drain and they float so they might not even go down in a toilet with a week flush. And no one wants to go fishing in the toilet water to pull out the dirty cotton swab. So I usually pocket the swab for later disposal. Or more accurately to be washed with the pants in the washing machine. (I used to remember to check my back pockets for cigarette butts back when I was smoking but now I don't think to look there.) This works when I'm wearing pants with pockets. If I'm in swimming trunks -- which is not a rarity -- I might just makes sure my swab is burried in the bathroom trash. (This is also dangerous when using a womans bathroom. Never know what might be lurking in that bucket).
My brother has the same addiction. I think it comes from having an unending supply of cotten swabs when we were growing up. Whenever we were down to one container the old man would go out and buy three. Also there is the male factor. Young boys wonder things like, "What color is my snot? Are there actually potatoes in my ears. What exactly is a cootie?" (And could I light a cootie on fire with a magnifying glass?) This kind of thinking leads to jabbing things in one's ear.
So anyway the brother knocked on my door the other day and asked, "Where are the cotton swabs?" I thought they were stored in the basement with all the other stacks of Sam's Club stuff. Alas we had actually used our last cotton swab and the old man had already made his Sam's club trip for the week.
At first we thought we could tough it out. After all what's a week without cleaning ones ears. It's nothing. Anyone can do it. Right. Wrong. We made it three days. I broke first really. My brother was headed out for one reason or another and I started to raise the question but before I could get it out he cut me off with a, "Don't ask me for < explicative deleted > !" (Brother has a mouth that could make a sailor blush). For some reason he feels I'm imposing on him if I ask for a candy bar or a pop when he is out and about. Gets all indignant.
So anyway before he gets too far away I'm able to convey the idea that perhaps he could pick up some cotton swabs. He doesn't balk. Just a, "Good idea." If I had waited I bet he would have broken down and gotten em without my prompting.
The swabs came out orange. I thought about taking a picture for the photoblog but some sense or another prevented that atrocity. There is still the cat's hair ball picture that is tempting me. It is in a file just taking up bits, not being seen. Then again it is pretty nasty. I will have to think on it some more.
Now clean your ears real good.
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Now this can lead to an embarrassing situation. Can't just leave a dirty swab in someone's bathroom trash. They might notice. Can't flush em cause they might get caught in the drain and they float so they might not even go down in a toilet with a week flush. And no one wants to go fishing in the toilet water to pull out the dirty cotton swab. So I usually pocket the swab for later disposal. Or more accurately to be washed with the pants in the washing machine. (I used to remember to check my back pockets for cigarette butts back when I was smoking but now I don't think to look there.) This works when I'm wearing pants with pockets. If I'm in swimming trunks -- which is not a rarity -- I might just makes sure my swab is burried in the bathroom trash. (This is also dangerous when using a womans bathroom. Never know what might be lurking in that bucket).
My brother has the same addiction. I think it comes from having an unending supply of cotten swabs when we were growing up. Whenever we were down to one container the old man would go out and buy three. Also there is the male factor. Young boys wonder things like, "What color is my snot? Are there actually potatoes in my ears. What exactly is a cootie?" (And could I light a cootie on fire with a magnifying glass?) This kind of thinking leads to jabbing things in one's ear.
So anyway the brother knocked on my door the other day and asked, "Where are the cotton swabs?" I thought they were stored in the basement with all the other stacks of Sam's Club stuff. Alas we had actually used our last cotton swab and the old man had already made his Sam's club trip for the week.
At first we thought we could tough it out. After all what's a week without cleaning ones ears. It's nothing. Anyone can do it. Right. Wrong. We made it three days. I broke first really. My brother was headed out for one reason or another and I started to raise the question but before I could get it out he cut me off with a, "Don't ask me for < explicative deleted > !" (Brother has a mouth that could make a sailor blush). For some reason he feels I'm imposing on him if I ask for a candy bar or a pop when he is out and about. Gets all indignant.
So anyway before he gets too far away I'm able to convey the idea that perhaps he could pick up some cotton swabs. He doesn't balk. Just a, "Good idea." If I had waited I bet he would have broken down and gotten em without my prompting.
The swabs came out orange. I thought about taking a picture for the photoblog but some sense or another prevented that atrocity. There is still the cat's hair ball picture that is tempting me. It is in a file just taking up bits, not being seen. Then again it is pretty nasty. I will have to think on it some more.
Now clean your ears real good.
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posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 2:28 AM
2 Comments:
rest assured that your feelings for cotten swabs are not abnormal.
some mornings it feels so good to clean my ears (despite the fact that i cleaned them before going to bed) that it almost feels naughty.
i once sat next to a hippie who must have never heard of q tips because his ears were so nasty that i found myself gazing into them about every day of class. little globules of wax were attach to all of the little hairs in his ears. it was nasty. i had to look. i really just wanted to pin him down him and clean his damn ears out.
Next time you find yourself cleaning your ears in someone elses bathroom, fold the used q tip in half and wrap in a small piece of tissue before tossing in the waste basket.
mom always said you weren't supposed to clean to far down because the doctor said it could cause problems. i can't help it though. and when i run out of q tip, trying to just wipe out my ear with toliet paper or tissue just isn't enough.
q tips. we take these little guys for granted. there should be a q tip appreciation day.
I'm with shy here, there is nothing more satisfying than a good q-tip ear cleansing. I laugh at the warnings on the package - "For external use only. Do not insert into ear canal." What good is that? (scoff)
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