Friendly Advice

So anyway I'm at a family event a couple weekends back. This is my older brothers family. After my older brother's father died, my mother remarried. Rather than being upset about this situation, this extended family basically adopted my mother as another daughter and saw my father as their new son inlaw / brother in law. This family is large and now I have so many cousins and second cousins that I can not keep their names straight. They are mostly good people (I would say entirely good, except they are all cubs fans. While I am not a fan of baseball or sports at all, I am a south side man. This puts me in the white sox camp. Nothing I can do about that).

So anyway I'm sitting there at this party keeping an eye on my niece and I can no help but over hear a conversation in the other room. I can't help it because the guy who is doing all the talking is speaking in the loud authoritative male voice. His girlfriend, my cousin, (I'm assuming this relationship in that they were practically sitting on top of each other in the manner of unmarried people who are probably having sex with each other and I have not heard any news about any sort of engagement so for now the label boyfriend will suffice) had voiced the opinion that the young man in question would be wiped out all week because he spends every weekend partying. Its boozing and cards after work Friday. Booze and screwing around Saturday and Sunday starts off early with golf and beer.

So the young man starts talking about guy things and what guys need to do. He talks about how you girls have your things (referring to my cousins) and how she ought to be grateful since he took her to see "The Devil Wears Prada." Which apparently is obviously a very chick thing. This sort of ignorant I am the man 1940's macho bull (explicative deleted) went on for quite a while.

I was almost tempted to have my brothers and I join em on the couch for a nice chat. This, however, would probably either embarrass or infuriate my cousin. It is one thing to take her to the side and say I think this guy is a bit of a mope. It is another to have her three big brutish (ok maybe one big and brutish and 2 muscular but fairly normal sized) cousins humiliate em in front of her whole family. You never get in the middle of a relationship. It just gets em both angry at you.

Anyway gone over I may have made some of the following points.

Drinking isn't manly. Don't get me wrong. Give me a fifth of Irish whiskey and some seven up to mix it with (and the forgiveness of Ireland for doing that to a fine Irish whiskey) and I'm a happy man. If drinking and hanging out with the guys all weekend is a priority than perhaps a relationship is not.

Fashion isn't a chick thing. It is a wealth thing.

Romantic comedies aren't bad because romance is a chick thing. They are bad because they are usually about stupid people making terrible relationship decisions. Romance is something both sexes yearn for. Id say half of all literature involves man and women coming together (or man / man or woman / woman. If animals are involve I don't want to know about it). Now even when the comedies have some decent writing they can be hard on single people of either sex. They remind us just how single we are.

Telling your college educated girl friend and her sisters (also smart educated people) about "chick" things probably isn't conducive to a long relationship. Insulting her in front of her whole extended family probably isn't conducive to a long relationship.

Then I would probably have to let the guy know that he doesn't need to worry about me hurting em. I'm not a violent guy. This is a bit of a subtle threat and it might need to be spelled out. I might have to nod to my two not quite as huge brothers, whose levels of violence I had failed to mention.


I'm sure time will resolve their difficulties anyway. Sometimes you just have to get those "I would have saids" out in the open.

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