Paging Dr. Phil
So North Korea tested some missiles the other day and I'm oddly unconcerned. It is not odd to be unconcerned. I'm sure many people read the paper or saw it on the television, shrugged, and went on with their daily lives. It is odd that I am unconcerned. Let us look at some of my fears and worries.
I'm scared of scurvy. Ever since I learned about this mariner disease back in grades school I've been sure that my neglect of fresh fruit in my diet will end up giving me this disease (the symptoms of which I don't remember but think that one of them is something like old wounds and scars opening up. Ick). A couple days weeks will go by and I will suddenly think, "I can't remember the last time I had any fresh fruit! I could have scurvy!" This happens despite the fact that I know that things like tomatoes and tomato sauce have plenty of the nutrients I need to ward of the dreaded disease. Fear is not rational.
I'm scared of standing to near (within say 20 feet) of railroad tracks while a train is going by. The wind it generates always leaves me feeling that any second it is going to suck me under.
I worry about the draft. We have a couple wars going now and not enough soldiers. When I turned 18 I hated the fact that I had to register with selective service. The first gulf war had just happened. I was certain that at some point we would go to war again and I'd be the big guy they would send up the hill to be shot by some guy whose language I don't speak, in a place I don't want to be in. I know I need to loose weight, but the military fat farm is not my idea of getting the job done right.
I'm afraid of cancer. I was a lifeguard and spent many a summer completely tan from head to toe. I smoked from the time I was 18 until I was 28. One aunt had a massectomy. An uncle died of colon cancer. The worse part is that my skin scars pretty bad so I', always thinking some scar is a growth. If I thought about it, I could name the injury for every scar on my body. The line across my arm where the pizza pan burned me. The ingrown hair that got infect. The time I got out of buddy's car and ripped my arm open on the trim. The time I fell off the bicycle going down the steep hill. The time I slid on the tiles after running on them while wet and took a chunk out of my thigh. The time the Easter candle dripped wax on my arm. The other time the Easter candle dripped wax on my arm. The time Shy burned me with a cigarette. (We were a little drunk). The knuckle I scraped trying to do a flip turn in a very cloudy pool. Yes, when you scar badly each injury stays with you.
I'm afraid of Psychiatrists and their goody bags of drugs.
Driving just plain terrifies me. I never feel I have adequate control over the acceleration. Why cant we have some kind of sensible hand controlled acceleration? Push it forward one notch and get 5 miles and hour, 2 for 10 etc. Hit the brake and the lever automatically snaps back to 0. Simple. Foot guesswork is scary and imprecise.
Then there is women: strange. Mystical,terrifying creatures, Capable of turning the strongest of men into cowering masses of goo with a word or a look.
The list goes on and on.
I hear that North Korea, a place with your typical mad dictator type, has nuclear warheads and is testing missiles. I shrug. I go back to my video games. I am not particularly concerned.
Sadly I think this may have to do with the fact that I live in Chicago. There must be some part of me that figures there is no way in hell that there one warhead is coming to Chicago. I bet if I lived on the west coast I'd be in a state of panic. I'd be screaming Doom and murder. (I would also have that entire San Andreas fault fear, that the entire west coast was going into the sea and I am going with it.)
Intellectually I know that an intercontinental ballistic missile can just as easily hit the middle of this country as anywhere on the coast. Shoot it up high into space and let gravity and the rotational physics bring it back down to where you want it to land.
Still I am unworried. It's time to send for Dr. Phil. I obviously need help.
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I'm scared of scurvy. Ever since I learned about this mariner disease back in grades school I've been sure that my neglect of fresh fruit in my diet will end up giving me this disease (the symptoms of which I don't remember but think that one of them is something like old wounds and scars opening up. Ick). A couple days weeks will go by and I will suddenly think, "I can't remember the last time I had any fresh fruit! I could have scurvy!" This happens despite the fact that I know that things like tomatoes and tomato sauce have plenty of the nutrients I need to ward of the dreaded disease. Fear is not rational.
I'm scared of standing to near (within say 20 feet) of railroad tracks while a train is going by. The wind it generates always leaves me feeling that any second it is going to suck me under.
I worry about the draft. We have a couple wars going now and not enough soldiers. When I turned 18 I hated the fact that I had to register with selective service. The first gulf war had just happened. I was certain that at some point we would go to war again and I'd be the big guy they would send up the hill to be shot by some guy whose language I don't speak, in a place I don't want to be in. I know I need to loose weight, but the military fat farm is not my idea of getting the job done right.
I'm afraid of cancer. I was a lifeguard and spent many a summer completely tan from head to toe. I smoked from the time I was 18 until I was 28. One aunt had a massectomy. An uncle died of colon cancer. The worse part is that my skin scars pretty bad so I', always thinking some scar is a growth. If I thought about it, I could name the injury for every scar on my body. The line across my arm where the pizza pan burned me. The ingrown hair that got infect. The time I got out of buddy's car and ripped my arm open on the trim. The time I fell off the bicycle going down the steep hill. The time I slid on the tiles after running on them while wet and took a chunk out of my thigh. The time the Easter candle dripped wax on my arm. The other time the Easter candle dripped wax on my arm. The time Shy burned me with a cigarette. (We were a little drunk). The knuckle I scraped trying to do a flip turn in a very cloudy pool. Yes, when you scar badly each injury stays with you.
I'm afraid of Psychiatrists and their goody bags of drugs.
Driving just plain terrifies me. I never feel I have adequate control over the acceleration. Why cant we have some kind of sensible hand controlled acceleration? Push it forward one notch and get 5 miles and hour, 2 for 10 etc. Hit the brake and the lever automatically snaps back to 0. Simple. Foot guesswork is scary and imprecise.
Then there is women: strange. Mystical,terrifying creatures, Capable of turning the strongest of men into cowering masses of goo with a word or a look.
The list goes on and on.
I hear that North Korea, a place with your typical mad dictator type, has nuclear warheads and is testing missiles. I shrug. I go back to my video games. I am not particularly concerned.
Sadly I think this may have to do with the fact that I live in Chicago. There must be some part of me that figures there is no way in hell that there one warhead is coming to Chicago. I bet if I lived on the west coast I'd be in a state of panic. I'd be screaming Doom and murder. (I would also have that entire San Andreas fault fear, that the entire west coast was going into the sea and I am going with it.)
Intellectually I know that an intercontinental ballistic missile can just as easily hit the middle of this country as anywhere on the coast. Shoot it up high into space and let gravity and the rotational physics bring it back down to where you want it to land.
Still I am unworried. It's time to send for Dr. Phil. I obviously need help.
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 2:40 AM
1 Comments:
In some ways, I think you're having a normal, healthy reaction. I mean, the other things you said you're afraid of are (at least somewhat) within your control. On the other hand, there is nothing we can do (individually) about North Korea, so it wouldn't do our fight-or-flight sense of fear any good to be afraid.
Not that we shouldn't be, at least a little, but still - not much we can really do.
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