10 Ounce Pain Killer

So back in the day, way back when I had more money than sense, I was hard liquor man. I wouldn't turn down a beer if it was handed to me, but I found that beer did a better job of filling my bladder, than getting me drunk. The purpose of drinking was, of course, to get as completely and totally bent as humanly possible without ending up in the hospital or in the morgue.

Now a good bartender, with a regular customer, or a heavy tipper, will over pour a little. It may look like a lot to the drunken observer, but it rarely is. A bartender doesn't keep a job very long if he gives away too much of the owners stock. Pack the glass solid with ice. Pour from up high and it gives the illusion of filling the glass with more booze than is actually going into the glass. The customer is happy, the bartender makes more money.

As a beginner drunk I fell for this trick every time. I'd go into bars and ask for a pint glass sized drink and give the bartender five bucks before he even made the drink. By the end of the night my wallet was empty after having bought a shamefully large number of drinks.

Years later I learned the tricks of the bartending trade and I became a fan of the ten ounce glass or the short glass. In the short glass you get the same amount of booze as one gets in the large glass, but with just enough mixer to make the drink palatable. Every sip is tasty and accomplishes the goal of getting commode hugging drunk.

All of this talk about my years of regular boozing, is by way of introducing something I've only recently discovered during my noticeably long absence: There is no way for a six foot tall man (6'3" Actually) to sleep comfortably on a couch.

One would think I had ample opportunity to learn this lesson prior to this late date. There were many a night I spent sleeping on a couch during my twenties. At six in the morning the captain of the drunk bus usually doesn't want to drive all over the world dropping off his or her inebriated passengers. No it was usually a single trip to central location, from which all parties could either disperse in the morning or prepare for drunk night part II the revenge of Saturday. On many such occasions I spent the night on a couch or sprawled across a love seat and an ottoman, bent into positions that aren't natural to the human form.

The next morning I would wake up without a perhaps a bit stiff, but pain free. One might say that youth had a bit to do with it, but the real truth was that I was still drunk when I woke up hours later.

So for reasons I cannot go into I've been sleeping on a couch at a house with no internet access since some time in may. It was a very nice couch with soft cushions and suede like exterior. All the same it wasn't built with my body in mind and either my head or my feet were un naturally elevated. This lack of comfort on top of internet withdrawal was almost unbearable. I have certain needs. Among those needs, very near the top of the list is a bed that is at least full sized, and high speed internet access on a desk top computer. (I keep hitting that evil mouse pad on lap tops with my thumb jumping the cursor all over the screen).

I now have these things again. Life is good. And that is about all the explanation anyone is likely to get (except the Shy of course). I'm back. There will be rants. Now to catch up on some blog reading.

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