Kevin Smith Mojo

Ok so I vaguely look like Kevin Smith (aka Silent Bob). Back in the day I would be at a bra and people would say, "Hey he looks like Silent Bob!" and the drunken friends would agree. I would give em an eyebrow raise or the short man nod (about a quarter nod of the head) and as if by magic a tasty beverage would appear in my hands. Another man nod of thanks would leave the possibility open for future frosty beverages when mass - o - dudes would see me again.

So with Clerks II coming soon I had brief flirtatious thought centering on growing out the full beard wearing the old "Big Guy" baseball cap backwards to some of the local beverage establishments. Sure most people wouldn't actually think I'm the man himself, many would remark on the resemblance. This may lead to free alcohol (the best kind). Some people are just plain goofy and having seen all the commercials for clerks II they will be convinced that I am actually Kevin Smith, even though he should probably be in New York or L.A. selling his product to all the talking heads. People believe what they want to be true.

This lead me to a new thought. In Macomb no one ever really believed me to be the man. No way a film producer is going to show up there unless he absolutely has too, and then it would be big news broadcast on local television and hyped in the papers for weeks prior to the actual event. Chicago is another story. He could conceivably be here to see Oprah or some other kind of promotion. Unrealistic, but plausible.

This could mean crazy person I want to have a famous persons baby sex. I could see it in the tabloids now "Chicago woman pregnant with silent bob Jr." A crying news interview, "He told me he forgot his wallet when he ditched his bodyguards, so I had to pay for the hotel room. He said I'd be perfect for Gigli II! Waaargh" The when the DNA test prove that the baby is in fact not the spawn of Silent Bob, he will graciously offer to support the child none the less, insuring the fame and fortune of my bastard.

Ok maybe this plan isn't well thought out. Come to think of it I'm pretty well drenched in perspiration by the time I get to the street with the bars on it. I can't see myself facing down the shame of fat man wet t - shirt and body odor just to get a free beer, let alone to con foolish women into having the silent bob love child.

I suppose I could get into the entire right and wrong moral debate of it all, but why bother when the body odor shame already has the plan stopped cold.

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