Crackpot Theory : Chicago Tap Water
So it is winter time in Chicago and we keep our home warm with forced air. This type of heating demands the use of a humidifier. Demands, that is, if one doesn't want to wake up every morning with a serious case of cotton mouth even if you haven't smoked weed. Demands, that is, if one doesn't want one's skin to develop snake like scales and slough off. Demands, that is, even if you have the slightest bit of chest congestion and a desire to continue breathing. Sure the furnace says it has a humidifier built it, but this is house is over a hundred years old and the forced air was added only recently and not exactly efficiently.
So it is my job as non wage earning house lackey to do the tedious chores like washing the dishes, taking out the trash, folding the laundry, changing the cat litter and those sorts of things. Keeping the humidifier full is one such chore.
So I'm filling the tank the other night and the old man says, "You might want to change the sock while you are it." I reply, "I might not know what you are talking about." (This is a lie. Sometimes a man just has to lie to avoid addition work like walking a couple feet over to the fridge an searching through the cabinet to find the sock). The old man the proceeds to change the sock on the humidifier and he places the old one next to the sink. (For those who don't know what I'm talking about there is a cloth filter on some brands of humidifiers that the water must pass through before being heated. That filter is somewhat sock shape.) The sock is completely solid. Out of the box these things are soft and flexible. The thing sitting near the sink is a rock of minerals.
So I start thinking about how long we have been using this filter. Maybe a week. Maybe a month. How long has this thing been so filled with minerals that it is practically useless as a filter? How much gallons of mineral rich water have been vaporized into the air I breath? What is happening to my lungs? Are there rocks in there?
Then I take that paranoid leap. I realize I drink and cook with this water. I start to wonder if just by drinking our tap water I am somehow exceeding U.S. daily recommended allowances of calcium iron and other minerals I know not what. Is this the source of kidney stones? I've taxed my liver and kidneys in the past with booze and bad living. Can they take the stress of Chicago water?
I've seen the creepy crawlies living in water back in high school biology. I've gotten past it. (barely). I've never thought about the earth and the filth. It looks clean. It has no outrageous flavor. (Unlike Detroit water. You could taste Detroit water back in the day. Ick). Can I repress these paranoid fantasies too, or will I be forced to seek employment if only to keep myself in a supply of purified bottled water.
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So it is my job as non wage earning house lackey to do the tedious chores like washing the dishes, taking out the trash, folding the laundry, changing the cat litter and those sorts of things. Keeping the humidifier full is one such chore.
So I'm filling the tank the other night and the old man says, "You might want to change the sock while you are it." I reply, "I might not know what you are talking about." (This is a lie. Sometimes a man just has to lie to avoid addition work like walking a couple feet over to the fridge an searching through the cabinet to find the sock). The old man the proceeds to change the sock on the humidifier and he places the old one next to the sink. (For those who don't know what I'm talking about there is a cloth filter on some brands of humidifiers that the water must pass through before being heated. That filter is somewhat sock shape.) The sock is completely solid. Out of the box these things are soft and flexible. The thing sitting near the sink is a rock of minerals.
So I start thinking about how long we have been using this filter. Maybe a week. Maybe a month. How long has this thing been so filled with minerals that it is practically useless as a filter? How much gallons of mineral rich water have been vaporized into the air I breath? What is happening to my lungs? Are there rocks in there?
Then I take that paranoid leap. I realize I drink and cook with this water. I start to wonder if just by drinking our tap water I am somehow exceeding U.S. daily recommended allowances of calcium iron and other minerals I know not what. Is this the source of kidney stones? I've taxed my liver and kidneys in the past with booze and bad living. Can they take the stress of Chicago water?
I've seen the creepy crawlies living in water back in high school biology. I've gotten past it. (barely). I've never thought about the earth and the filth. It looks clean. It has no outrageous flavor. (Unlike Detroit water. You could taste Detroit water back in the day. Ick). Can I repress these paranoid fantasies too, or will I be forced to seek employment if only to keep myself in a supply of purified bottled water.
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posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 12:39 AM
2 Comments:
According to www.cityofchicago.org/WaterManagement/ , Chicago water doesn't look too bad. Then again, I haven't exactly compared it to any other h2o sources and sometimes time the goal, level found and maximum allowed are too similar. I don't think it's anything that will kill us though. Just think of all the wonderful stuff grandma's well water has in it and she's 86.
That said, of all of my misconceptions of what Chicago was going to be like, I was delightfully surprised that the water didn’t have any smell or flavor and I did not need the Brita filter that I bought.
My sister says Florida water tastes like stagnate (spelling?) pond water. That was one of her first remarks about her move to Florida this fall to attend grad. school--not how nice the ocean was, how hot the weather was, or how well landscaped the school was, but how nasty the water is.
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