Social Security In Action
So I got the letter in the mail today. It's the one that says, "Your Social Security Statement." Never mind that I haven't earned a dime since 2002, the great beast known as the Social Security Administration must go through the motions. Can't save the price of the stamp, they might be accused of ignoring the poor.
So I actually read the form letter / pamphlet this year. Prior to this I usually went with my gut feeling that Social Security wont be there when (If) I get old enough to collect so rather than perpetuate the sham by acknowledging it, I would just toss the letter into the shredder pile. (Pointless really. Any fool trying to steal my identity will quickly find out there are no bank accounts to clear out and no credit to be had). I think the happiness attained from indulging in way too much cheese coffee cake (mmmm flaky pastry goodness) may have warped my thinking. Or maybe I was just bored, but I figured reading the pamphlet wont actually harm me in any way.
Surprise,surprise. I qualify for disability, should I become disabled. Apparently it doesn't take very many years of work and pennies in the social security bucket to qualify. Should I suddenly find myself struck with a terribly crippling malady (or maybe a drug addiction) I could collect $721 dollars a month, so the pamphlet tells me. Not very much. My horrible malady better not require to many over the counter medications or medications not covered by Medicare. That amount of money would never cover a rent or a mortgage. I probably eat a large portion of that amount too, though I have lived off much less. Definitely the pasta and rice diet. Then there is the horror of horrors: No entertainment budget. No computer or games. No buying books, but going to the library with my horribly crippled self like a person who goes to the library to read books that have been touched by germ bearing people who probably don't wash their hands after they go to the bathroom.
Hmm not good at all.
I haven't qualified for retirement benefits. I do have 33 out of 40 credits somehow. When the time comes that I am employed again, I will only be required to do so for a couple of years before I qualify for whatever those bare minimum benefits are. After that point, it is hypothetically possible for me to go back into non wage earning mooching and coast off that for a few years (twenty or thirty may be more than a few) until the government decides I've actually reached the official age of retirement.
That plan has a certain amount of appeal to me, especially the part about not working. I can't see how I would sell that plan on anyone else. The parents, who would of course have to support me, might be a bit dismayed by this line of thinking. This plan would also severely limit the field of women who might want to date me. But baby, I'll be pulling down Social Security in thirty five years. I swear I'll make it up to you then. Ok that would be complete mendacity. The women would know as well as I do that the Social Security wont be there in thirty five years and even supposing it somehow survives, retirement will probably be pushed back to seventy by then.
So many flaws. Even the previous alternate plan of drinking the liver into making retirement moot is a pretty bad plan, what with the messy long painful dying. Ick. Perhaps the new retirement plan should be to get shot by a jealous husband.
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So I actually read the form letter / pamphlet this year. Prior to this I usually went with my gut feeling that Social Security wont be there when (If) I get old enough to collect so rather than perpetuate the sham by acknowledging it, I would just toss the letter into the shredder pile. (Pointless really. Any fool trying to steal my identity will quickly find out there are no bank accounts to clear out and no credit to be had). I think the happiness attained from indulging in way too much cheese coffee cake (mmmm flaky pastry goodness) may have warped my thinking. Or maybe I was just bored, but I figured reading the pamphlet wont actually harm me in any way.
Surprise,surprise. I qualify for disability, should I become disabled. Apparently it doesn't take very many years of work and pennies in the social security bucket to qualify. Should I suddenly find myself struck with a terribly crippling malady (or maybe a drug addiction) I could collect $721 dollars a month, so the pamphlet tells me. Not very much. My horrible malady better not require to many over the counter medications or medications not covered by Medicare. That amount of money would never cover a rent or a mortgage. I probably eat a large portion of that amount too, though I have lived off much less. Definitely the pasta and rice diet. Then there is the horror of horrors: No entertainment budget. No computer or games. No buying books, but going to the library with my horribly crippled self like a person who goes to the library to read books that have been touched by germ bearing people who probably don't wash their hands after they go to the bathroom.
Hmm not good at all.
I haven't qualified for retirement benefits. I do have 33 out of 40 credits somehow. When the time comes that I am employed again, I will only be required to do so for a couple of years before I qualify for whatever those bare minimum benefits are. After that point, it is hypothetically possible for me to go back into non wage earning mooching and coast off that for a few years (twenty or thirty may be more than a few) until the government decides I've actually reached the official age of retirement.
That plan has a certain amount of appeal to me, especially the part about not working. I can't see how I would sell that plan on anyone else. The parents, who would of course have to support me, might be a bit dismayed by this line of thinking. This plan would also severely limit the field of women who might want to date me. But baby, I'll be pulling down Social Security in thirty five years. I swear I'll make it up to you then. Ok that would be complete mendacity. The women would know as well as I do that the Social Security wont be there in thirty five years and even supposing it somehow survives, retirement will probably be pushed back to seventy by then.
So many flaws. Even the previous alternate plan of drinking the liver into making retirement moot is a pretty bad plan, what with the messy long painful dying. Ick. Perhaps the new retirement plan should be to get shot by a jealous husband.
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 5:55 PM
3 Comments:
If politicians want to get elected, the social security will be there. I hate to think of what programs will suffer to make it possible, but it will be there because they will want to be elected.
Yeah, I agree with Shy...I wonder why they would threaten us with the fact that there may not be any? So if the future, if we think that there will be no money for us, all the better reasons to elect the best candidate that will promise social security when we get all old and stuff. Hopefully, I'll be able to pan handle enough money not to need it at all. SCREW YOU RICH PEOPLE!
DEE DEE DEE
To get unemployment I think yas need to be fired wrongfully or downsized I think. My last job I was payrolled by a temp agency. that is when they pay me at the request of my actual employer who only wanted me for a short time (the doctors office where my mother worked). At the time the manager offered to get me full time work in another department, but then I had to take care of the mother after her heart attack. we haven't sought any kind of goverment cheese so far. I dont think I qualify really. at ost the folx might be able to claim e on their taxes as a dependant.
Back in the day people sed to call me silent bob all the time because i didn't say much and I always had a goatee. I could pull of a silent bob movie roll. heh. should pull ot the old mans digital vidoe recorder and burn some mini dvds of me in action.
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