To The Bat Cave
Ok I was checking out Fark and came across a link to a site that specializes in hidden doors! Having a crap credit history and no job I'll probably never own a home, let alone be able to afford one of these doors, but it is like seeing a childhood fantasy come to life.
When I was a kid I envisioned having a mansion sized home one day, not because I needed a lot of space for my stuff, but because I wanted to have secret passages and a Bat Pole. I especially wanted a grandfather clock that was either entirely on hinges, or one that you would open the front door and see that it was really a thin facade that covered an entranceway or a safe. A Scooby Doo style painting with the eye holes cut out was absolutely required.
When I was a little older I got to go on tours of the McCormick Mansion / Museum at Cantigny Park. Some of my favorite parts of the tour involved the Secret Elevator that was used by the servants to bring wood up from the basement and another favorite was the Secret Bar hidden a behind what seemed to my child's eyes a flawless wall. As an adult I went back and saw the mansion which seemed to have shrunk (growing three feet will do that to ones perspective) and I was able to see how the doors were worked into natural breaks in the design of the wall, but was disappointed to notice that the latch area had grown so warn from years of curators showing off the bar to museum guests that it was clearly visible with even the most cursory of glances. (Cantigny park is also the home of the First Division museum and has an awe inspiring display of tanks and artillery).
As an adult I thought what I really need was a secret sound proof room to house and serve as a viewing area for an adult video collection. What man doesn't get caught leaving the video tape in the recorder. I figured this embarrassing situation could be avoided without having to go the terribly honest route of getting rid of all offensive material should one enter into a relationship, through the use of a strategically placed secret room. Of course a married individual or some sort of live in arrangement might find it impossible to use the Secret Smut Room. Hard to keep someone who has lived in ones house for any length of time from wondering where you disappear too. I also thought an entertainment center recessed into a wall with a hinged bookshelf might work better. This type of arrangement works for anyone who might decide to become a closet alcoholic too. People are always looking behind your books for the hidden stash of booze, but would they think to swing out the entire shelving unit (or just the upper half) to find the minibar?
This brings me to the Secret Safe behind the painting. It's so absolutely cliche that while it may be a cheesy Idea to most I can think of no better thing to put behind my Velvet Elvis. So what would I keep in my Velvet Elvis covered safe. Well as I'd like to hang Elvis in the bathroom over the toilet the only truly appropriate items to be stored in this safe would be my back up rolls of toilet paper. And maybe a stash of chocolate because you can never have too many of those.
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When I was a kid I envisioned having a mansion sized home one day, not because I needed a lot of space for my stuff, but because I wanted to have secret passages and a Bat Pole. I especially wanted a grandfather clock that was either entirely on hinges, or one that you would open the front door and see that it was really a thin facade that covered an entranceway or a safe. A Scooby Doo style painting with the eye holes cut out was absolutely required.
When I was a little older I got to go on tours of the McCormick Mansion / Museum at Cantigny Park. Some of my favorite parts of the tour involved the Secret Elevator that was used by the servants to bring wood up from the basement and another favorite was the Secret Bar hidden a behind what seemed to my child's eyes a flawless wall. As an adult I went back and saw the mansion which seemed to have shrunk (growing three feet will do that to ones perspective) and I was able to see how the doors were worked into natural breaks in the design of the wall, but was disappointed to notice that the latch area had grown so warn from years of curators showing off the bar to museum guests that it was clearly visible with even the most cursory of glances. (Cantigny park is also the home of the First Division museum and has an awe inspiring display of tanks and artillery).
As an adult I thought what I really need was a secret sound proof room to house and serve as a viewing area for an adult video collection. What man doesn't get caught leaving the video tape in the recorder. I figured this embarrassing situation could be avoided without having to go the terribly honest route of getting rid of all offensive material should one enter into a relationship, through the use of a strategically placed secret room. Of course a married individual or some sort of live in arrangement might find it impossible to use the Secret Smut Room. Hard to keep someone who has lived in ones house for any length of time from wondering where you disappear too. I also thought an entertainment center recessed into a wall with a hinged bookshelf might work better. This type of arrangement works for anyone who might decide to become a closet alcoholic too. People are always looking behind your books for the hidden stash of booze, but would they think to swing out the entire shelving unit (or just the upper half) to find the minibar?
This brings me to the Secret Safe behind the painting. It's so absolutely cliche that while it may be a cheesy Idea to most I can think of no better thing to put behind my Velvet Elvis. So what would I keep in my Velvet Elvis covered safe. Well as I'd like to hang Elvis in the bathroom over the toilet the only truly appropriate items to be stored in this safe would be my back up rolls of toilet paper. And maybe a stash of chocolate because you can never have too many of those.
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posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 4:31 AM
1 Comments:
It's where my plan falls apart. Guys missing and you know hes hasn't left the house.and then there is the explaining when you do eventually find it. OMG who put all this smut here. Must have come with the house.
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