Master Plan Paranoia
So I've been thinking more about the Master Plan (to take over the world) and it occurs to me that "The Man" maybe be watching.
First let is review what we know of the Master Plan (to take over the world) so far. It is a Super Secret Master Plan (to take over the world) and that is the excuse ... erm, reason I can only give out small pieces at any given time (as I make them up). To date I've only talked about (thought up) two parts of the Master Plan (to take over the world).
Master Plan (to take over the world) action item 1:
Promote media (books, video, flash animation, websites) that I, the future Lord Tyrant and Benevolent Dictator for Life, have viewed as a form of mind control. People who have taken in the same ideas as me will have some of the same thoughts as me and the more ideas they have in common with me, the closer we come to Global Domination. Right now I'm in the middle of two books. Tim O'Brien wrote In the Lake of the Woods and as I've just started it I can not recommend it on its own merits just yet, but having read other works by this author I'm looking forward to a good read. The second book is Mirror Mirror : A Novel by Gregory Maguire. Only a few chapters into this retelling of the Snow White story I'm pretty happy with the book so far. While I was fairly disappointed with Lost: A Novel I've been pretty happy with everything else Maguire has written. I've also recently suffered throw a screening of Garfield - The Movie and can not sat I recommend it to anyone. But if I had to sit through it future loyal minions should too. On the plus side Jennifer Love Hewitt is quite attractive in the red dress.
Master Plan (to take over the world) action item 2:
A Super Secret Master Plan requires some kind communication so all the core members of the Master Plan (to take over the world) are also members of the Gmail Illuminati (Secret Masters of the Internet). To further our goals we offer Gmail Invites to whoever writes us asking for one, provided we still have invites left. (I currently have 4). Remember you can not be a Secret Master of the Internet if you aren't a member of the Gmail Illuminati.
and Introducing
Master Plan (to take over the world) action item 3:
Promote the legalization and habitual use of marijuana. The weed isn't for the Secret Masters, but rather for the masses whom we must lead. We will need it to keep them happy as inexpensively as possible. Weed makes people dumb and content and anyone who doesn't believe this is either well into their stash or hasn't spent nearly as much time around pot heads as I have. To get the stoners motivated we tell them that there will be better cheaper bud after the revolution and mountains of salty snacks free for everybody and post revolution we make sure everyone in the most terrible labor intensive mind killing jobs gets all the weed they can smoke so they wont notice how as Lord Tyrant I wont be doing anything to alleviate their plight but rather using my position of power to fulfill teenage sexual fantasies. After all that's what power is for isn't it?
So that is what we know of the plan so far. I usually mention the Master Plan (to take over the world) at least once a week. I read a lot and its not like I have any real work to fill my day so there is a lot of time to fill. Now the paranoid in me says repeated references to a Master Plan may trigger some sort of governmental search engine / spy tool [TM] to keep track of this site and alert human types that I may in be a bad person[TM]. Now lets add in my subversive links to sites like Adbusters and to any flash animation mocking our president. Next add in the number of foreign nationals whose sites I read and link to. We have one Indian,
an Australian, Another Indian (I think), and Oh so many Canadians, and woman from Norway. Obviously I'm a front for the Canadain Invasion. I'm unemployed yet have access to the internet. I own cats. Yes the paranoid in me feels the need to wave to the poor bureaucratic spy guy [TM] whose job it is to sift through all the crap his or her computer says might be worth checking out. "The Man" is on the Master Plan (to take over the world) and is probably spilling coffee and eating a donut as he plods through another dull day of work. Poor bastard.
More Laters
First let is review what we know of the Master Plan (to take over the world) so far. It is a Super Secret Master Plan (to take over the world) and that is the excuse ... erm, reason I can only give out small pieces at any given time (as I make them up). To date I've only talked about (thought up) two parts of the Master Plan (to take over the world).
Master Plan (to take over the world) action item 1:
Promote media (books, video, flash animation, websites) that I, the future Lord Tyrant and Benevolent Dictator for Life, have viewed as a form of mind control. People who have taken in the same ideas as me will have some of the same thoughts as me and the more ideas they have in common with me, the closer we come to Global Domination. Right now I'm in the middle of two books. Tim O'Brien wrote In the Lake of the Woods and as I've just started it I can not recommend it on its own merits just yet, but having read other works by this author I'm looking forward to a good read. The second book is Mirror Mirror : A Novel by Gregory Maguire. Only a few chapters into this retelling of the Snow White story I'm pretty happy with the book so far. While I was fairly disappointed with Lost: A Novel I've been pretty happy with everything else Maguire has written. I've also recently suffered throw a screening of Garfield - The Movie and can not sat I recommend it to anyone. But if I had to sit through it future loyal minions should too. On the plus side Jennifer Love Hewitt is quite attractive in the red dress.
Master Plan (to take over the world) action item 2:
A Super Secret Master Plan requires some kind communication so all the core members of the Master Plan (to take over the world) are also members of the Gmail Illuminati (Secret Masters of the Internet). To further our goals we offer Gmail Invites to whoever writes us asking for one, provided we still have invites left. (I currently have 4). Remember you can not be a Secret Master of the Internet if you aren't a member of the Gmail Illuminati.
and Introducing
Master Plan (to take over the world) action item 3:
Promote the legalization and habitual use of marijuana. The weed isn't for the Secret Masters, but rather for the masses whom we must lead. We will need it to keep them happy as inexpensively as possible. Weed makes people dumb and content and anyone who doesn't believe this is either well into their stash or hasn't spent nearly as much time around pot heads as I have. To get the stoners motivated we tell them that there will be better cheaper bud after the revolution and mountains of salty snacks free for everybody and post revolution we make sure everyone in the most terrible labor intensive mind killing jobs gets all the weed they can smoke so they wont notice how as Lord Tyrant I wont be doing anything to alleviate their plight but rather using my position of power to fulfill teenage sexual fantasies. After all that's what power is for isn't it?
So that is what we know of the plan so far. I usually mention the Master Plan (to take over the world) at least once a week. I read a lot and its not like I have any real work to fill my day so there is a lot of time to fill. Now the paranoid in me says repeated references to a Master Plan may trigger some sort of governmental search engine / spy tool [TM] to keep track of this site and alert human types that I may in be a bad person[TM]. Now lets add in my subversive links to sites like Adbusters and to any flash animation mocking our president. Next add in the number of foreign nationals whose sites I read and link to. We have one Indian,
an Australian, Another Indian (I think), and Oh so many Canadians, and woman from Norway. Obviously I'm a front for the Canadain Invasion. I'm unemployed yet have access to the internet. I own cats. Yes the paranoid in me feels the need to wave to the poor bureaucratic spy guy [TM] whose job it is to sift through all the crap his or her computer says might be worth checking out. "The Man" is on the Master Plan (to take over the world) and is probably spilling coffee and eating a donut as he plods through another dull day of work. Poor bastard.
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 1:22 AM
5 Comments:
Hee. Laughter is the best medicine. Thanks. :)
Feith
Your master plan #3 is already on the road to being implemented. Your desire for a Canadian invasion may be thwarted by a nation wide onset of the munchies.
the plan sounds good so far. but you left out one important factor: just what is it that you plan to do about the A.A.M--with this trio of evil? ignoring them won't make them go away....infact, rust loves neglect.
Hahaha, I love it! This is a much-needed funny during a week when we all really needed it. Thanks for writing such a delightful message!
I like the Gmail tie-in. Makes me feel special :-)
A good Secret Master knows how to delegate. I now appoint the Shy as the Secret Head of the Super Secret Alien Asian Mice Inquisition. It will be the job of the the SSAAMI to root out and neutralize all of the A.A.M. (Alien Asian Mice, scourage of all sinks, bathtubs and any place to have watery rust marks). I am confident in her abilities to perform this task.
Oh and feel free to dream up a new title like Grand Inquisitor or Bane of Rust. Might need to recruit inquisitors and other such lackeys too.
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