A Double Clogger with Cheese
So Chicagoist, the not really news site about Chicago, is looking for a couple more writers. My ego urged me to pursue this but the lazy part of my being teamed up with the rational part and said, "Write for free on somebody else's site for a unquantifiable amount of exposure? Don't forget you can just comment on what they say from time to time. Their comments track back to the originator. These aren't the droids you are looking for." Apparently the logical and lazy parts of my brain can use the Jedi mind trick.
I might have dropped em a much agonized over application letter if, and only if, any of the areas they are looking to cover was anything I'm willing or able to talk about knowingly.
1. ) Food / Restaurants -- Being unemployed I don't exactly do a lot of fine dining. If I were to go out to eat on the money in my wallet you can bet the person taking my order would ask, "Do you want fries with that?" (Does a bear make bowel movements in the woods?) Then there is the idea that we already have hundreds of guides to eating in Chicago. A Google Search of Chicago restaurant has 5,110,000 results. I think with that many pages talking about food in Chicago the bases may already be covered. The only possible take I could possibly do on food rating is to go to as many grease joints as possible and rate them on a scale of taste divided by number of arteries instantly clogged by meal. Can I get a Double Clogger with Cheese and a Diet Coke.
2. ) Fine Arts -- While I appreciate many of the fine arts, I know next to nothing about them. My recent observations on the Chicago Symphony Orchestra were more social commentary than music critique. Whenever I go to the Art Institute of Chicago I spend maybe twenty minutes walking around until my brain is fried on painting and sculpture and I head down to the ground floor to check out the swords and armor.(Battle!) I remember when my dad took me and my brother to the opening of the Vietnam Veterans Art Museum. We were in jeans and t - shirts and we went in past the reception in the foyer and viewed the art while all the suits and evening gowns stayed in that hall eating, drinking and socializing. I don't have the vocabulary to discuss art critically and I wouldn't want to report to the cultural snobs anyways.
3. ) GLBT -- Gay Lesbian Bacon Tomato ? Ok maybe Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transexual. Not my lifestyle. While I'm willing to stand with them and support spousal rights for same sex couples that is the extent of my activism and interest in that area. Though once upon a time I saw this absolutely beautiful creature at a street corner in boys town and then a voice that was deeper than the most macho male in the world came out of said being. That was pretty weird / interesting and somewhat disturbing in the I'm almost want to do a crotch check on a woman now just to make sure I'm not unpleasantly surprised later sort of way . Think of the psychological damage one might sustain finding out not only is your date a male but considerably more endowed. Years and years of therapy I can not afford. Best to not go there.
So I'm completely unsuited to write for the Chicago area not really news site. I encourage all non Chicago Area readers to apply for positions on that website and see how long you can lie to em before they figure it out.
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I might have dropped em a much agonized over application letter if, and only if, any of the areas they are looking to cover was anything I'm willing or able to talk about knowingly.
1. ) Food / Restaurants -- Being unemployed I don't exactly do a lot of fine dining. If I were to go out to eat on the money in my wallet you can bet the person taking my order would ask, "Do you want fries with that?" (Does a bear make bowel movements in the woods?) Then there is the idea that we already have hundreds of guides to eating in Chicago. A Google Search of Chicago restaurant has 5,110,000 results. I think with that many pages talking about food in Chicago the bases may already be covered. The only possible take I could possibly do on food rating is to go to as many grease joints as possible and rate them on a scale of taste divided by number of arteries instantly clogged by meal. Can I get a Double Clogger with Cheese and a Diet Coke.
2. ) Fine Arts -- While I appreciate many of the fine arts, I know next to nothing about them. My recent observations on the Chicago Symphony Orchestra were more social commentary than music critique. Whenever I go to the Art Institute of Chicago I spend maybe twenty minutes walking around until my brain is fried on painting and sculpture and I head down to the ground floor to check out the swords and armor.(Battle!) I remember when my dad took me and my brother to the opening of the Vietnam Veterans Art Museum. We were in jeans and t - shirts and we went in past the reception in the foyer and viewed the art while all the suits and evening gowns stayed in that hall eating, drinking and socializing. I don't have the vocabulary to discuss art critically and I wouldn't want to report to the cultural snobs anyways.
3. ) GLBT -- Gay Lesbian Bacon Tomato ? Ok maybe Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transexual. Not my lifestyle. While I'm willing to stand with them and support spousal rights for same sex couples that is the extent of my activism and interest in that area. Though once upon a time I saw this absolutely beautiful creature at a street corner in boys town and then a voice that was deeper than the most macho male in the world came out of said being. That was pretty weird / interesting and somewhat disturbing in the I'm almost want to do a crotch check on a woman now just to make sure I'm not unpleasantly surprised later sort of way . Think of the psychological damage one might sustain finding out not only is your date a male but considerably more endowed. Years and years of therapy I can not afford. Best to not go there.
So I'm completely unsuited to write for the Chicago area not really news site. I encourage all non Chicago Area readers to apply for positions on that website and see how long you can lie to em before they figure it out.
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 4:55 AM
2 Comments:
Sometimes, I think the perspective of someone who wouldn't normally go for that kind of thing would result in a more interesting read. For example, imagine if a populist-leaning writer took over the opera beat from the 80-something, velvet-dress-wearing biddy who's been fawning over the performers for the past generation?
I'm not sure what would happen in that instance, but you can be sure at least some non-fans might tune into the coverage for a few articles just to see what all the fuss was about. Disruptive change rules!
i applied for chicagoist last time they called for submissions for music/rock critics. spent a lot of time and sent in this lengthy email pointing to all my other on-line stuff. in the end they picked someone else, and have you noticed many music-related articles on chicagoist since then? few and far between. whoever they accepted... well, anyway. chicagoist seems to try to hard in much of their style, anyway. and like you, i'm not well-versed in any of the areas they're calling for this time. screw 'em. screw, i say, them. chicago.metblogs.com is getting better these days... they get blessed by my musical insights now. note: in some languages, "blessed" means "hurt."
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