Slow Eater
So Mom tells me to put on a different shirt because we are going to drop off some clothes off at the Amvets box. I'm thinking, "Why do I need a different shirt if we are just going to drop off clothes? Is it a social gaffe to be seen stuffing the drop box full while where a tank top? Will I lose my place on the Society Page? Could I be any more sarcastic?" I express my concern to the mother and she gets angry because I have thwarted her plan to make me go out to lunch with her and the old man and she says, "You act like I am trying to abduct you." I act all sarcastic and express my belief that she is indeed trying to abduct me. This gets me out of the trip.
The thing is I wouldn't mind going out to eat with mom if she weren't truly trying to abduct me for the day. First off she wants to go to a restaurant half way across the south side. Then there must be conversation. No bringing books. No buying the days paper. Then, the absolute worst part, Mom eats slow. She dices her food up into little bitty bits and chews ever individual tiny part, separately. Me and the old man will finish our dinners and mom will just be putting her salad aside. When she finally finishes her meal she wants to get another beverage to wash it all down with and to sit and chat over. A quick meal becomes a three to four hour event and I want no part of it. One would think that a big guy like me would rate food high on his list but really I hate the time it takes out of my day. I read a book while I eat breakfast in the mornings because I don't want to just sit their focused on filling my tummy.
So mom gets angry with me when I refuse to go out to eat. I've just hit that point in my life where I've accepted that sometimes mom will be angry. Her petulant anger just doesn't faze me anymore. I just can not abide wasting a part of my time waiting on a slow eater. Not that my unemployed self has anything better planned for the day I'm just selfish with my time. The day is quickly approaching where it will not just be me mom and the old man here but my younger brother and his wife as well. My quiet alone time is at a premium and I will not give up a precious second.
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The thing is I wouldn't mind going out to eat with mom if she weren't truly trying to abduct me for the day. First off she wants to go to a restaurant half way across the south side. Then there must be conversation. No bringing books. No buying the days paper. Then, the absolute worst part, Mom eats slow. She dices her food up into little bitty bits and chews ever individual tiny part, separately. Me and the old man will finish our dinners and mom will just be putting her salad aside. When she finally finishes her meal she wants to get another beverage to wash it all down with and to sit and chat over. A quick meal becomes a three to four hour event and I want no part of it. One would think that a big guy like me would rate food high on his list but really I hate the time it takes out of my day. I read a book while I eat breakfast in the mornings because I don't want to just sit their focused on filling my tummy.
So mom gets angry with me when I refuse to go out to eat. I've just hit that point in my life where I've accepted that sometimes mom will be angry. Her petulant anger just doesn't faze me anymore. I just can not abide wasting a part of my time waiting on a slow eater. Not that my unemployed self has anything better planned for the day I'm just selfish with my time. The day is quickly approaching where it will not just be me mom and the old man here but my younger brother and his wife as well. My quiet alone time is at a premium and I will not give up a precious second.
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posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 9:11 PM
1 Comments:
on the flip side, i hate those who rush me while eating. so what that i like to eat the seeds of the hamburger bun, then eat the crust, pick around on the bread and then eat some of my hamburger...all of this after having stuck french fries in the bun like pseudo candles and then eating one fry at a time. every meal is an adventure.
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