Another Sign Of The End Of Times

I've seen our doom and its name is UNO H2O.

At first glance this may seem like just a simple repackaging of an old game. I appear to be over reacting. I am not.

There is only one reason to own water proof uno cards. It is not to keep them safe when little Billy or Sally spill the juice. Billy and Sally don't play card games. Billy and Sally want violent video games and plastic crap that can transform into other plastic crap. No the only reason Billy and Sally will ever want UNO H2O is when they go off to college and start taking binge drinking 101.

College drinking 101 demands that a person can not just have an alcoholic beverage in the quite of ones home. No one must either be old enough to enter a bar, have fake identification, or find somebody of age to provide liquor for one and a group of under age friends. Once one has that booze you cannot just sit around and leisurely enjoy it in the company of friends. Dangerous drinking games must be played. If one or more friend doesn't risk alcohol poisoning by the end of the night a good time was not had by all.

Back in the day we played three man. The main advantage to this game was that it didn't involve cards. With a game like (explicative deleted) between dealing the cards and screwing around people tend to loose interest before everyone is properly toasted. The dice can go around the table in almost no time with three man. Going into a game of three man, a person might make an alliance with a couple friends to give all the drinks to one person who everyone agrees aught to spend the night puking and curled up by the toilet.

I don't even know if there are drinking rules for uno, but there will be by Christmas. Next January we are going to start seeing a surprising number of people in the hospital with alcohol poisoning and when they are asked what they were doing they will say they were playing Uno.

The thing that really disturbs me about this is that with every other form of substance abuse we are draconian in our law enforcement and our social views. You sell someone heroin there is a chance of serious jail time. You sell someone five cases of beer and a handle of whiskey and you say, "Hope it's a good party." With drug users we have mandatory sentencing. When it comes to binge drinking we come up with new ways to market it under the table without ever actually saying that's what it is.

So now I take o the mantel of prophet and say this simple seeming thing, this game, is a sign. It shows us how increasingly disfunctional we as a people have become. It is the beginning of the end and I must work hard on the Master Plan (to take over the world) so I'm ready to pick up the pieces and start over and build a new utopia (well a utopia for me everyone else will be suffering under the lash of my terrible regime).

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