Turkey Farmer Mafia
It has come to my attention that, The Gmail Illuminati may not be the only Super Secret organization with designs on Global Domination. A much older, more powerful organization may exist that either controls the world outright or is poised to crush us at any instant. This organization is the Turkey Farmer Mafia.
Post holiday festivities yesterday I was wiped out. All the cups of coffee did nothing to counteract the terrible turkey imposed sleepiness. I tried to write and just gazed at a blank screen wondering why in the world I was bothering to stay up a moment longer as tired as I was. I gave up after a short couple hours spent mostly browsing flash cartoons and silly news stories at Fark.
I awoke this morning (afternoon really) to the thought that this ever lengthening shopping / Christmas season (November first to the Epiphany) can only mean one thing. People are trying to get us to eat more turkey! We are being kept drugged on turkey so we wont wake up to the incredible consumer frenzy that is going on all around us. Sure the Turkey Farmer Mafia makes a few bucks in extra turkey sales, but that is not the point. They probably turn all that money right around developing bigger meatier turkeys, almost dripping with the sleep inducing agent. They are keeping us down in much the same way I intend to keep the populace in line when I'm Lord Tyrant and Benevolent Dictator (That is the official title anyone who actually expects any real benevolence really ought to read a few more entries. I plan to exploit the people and waste their resources, ignoring the plight of the working man and fulfilling teenage fantasies of a hedonistic lifestyle) through step 3 of the master plan. Instead of keeping the populace wacked on weed like me they have chosen a turkey induced mind fog. Clever. Ingenious really.
The most terrifying thing about the Turkey Farmer Mafia is that they've been around since the inception of the country. They probably control every aspect of our daily lives and no one has said anything until now. I must publish now! They may be coming for me already as I've broken free of their control. Stay true to the Master Plan (to take over the world).
Arrrrrgh
Post holiday festivities yesterday I was wiped out. All the cups of coffee did nothing to counteract the terrible turkey imposed sleepiness. I tried to write and just gazed at a blank screen wondering why in the world I was bothering to stay up a moment longer as tired as I was. I gave up after a short couple hours spent mostly browsing flash cartoons and silly news stories at Fark.
I awoke this morning (afternoon really) to the thought that this ever lengthening shopping / Christmas season (November first to the Epiphany) can only mean one thing. People are trying to get us to eat more turkey! We are being kept drugged on turkey so we wont wake up to the incredible consumer frenzy that is going on all around us. Sure the Turkey Farmer Mafia makes a few bucks in extra turkey sales, but that is not the point. They probably turn all that money right around developing bigger meatier turkeys, almost dripping with the sleep inducing agent. They are keeping us down in much the same way I intend to keep the populace in line when I'm Lord Tyrant and Benevolent Dictator (That is the official title anyone who actually expects any real benevolence really ought to read a few more entries. I plan to exploit the people and waste their resources, ignoring the plight of the working man and fulfilling teenage fantasies of a hedonistic lifestyle) through step 3 of the master plan. Instead of keeping the populace wacked on weed like me they have chosen a turkey induced mind fog. Clever. Ingenious really.
The most terrifying thing about the Turkey Farmer Mafia is that they've been around since the inception of the country. They probably control every aspect of our daily lives and no one has said anything until now. I must publish now! They may be coming for me already as I've broken free of their control. Stay true to the Master Plan (to take over the world).
Arrrrrgh
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 5:45 PM
3 Comments:
Turkey / pot = same result.
By jove, I think you have figured it all out!
We just don't get the munchies cause we are full up on turkey. But you do go back a few hours later for a little left over love. Hmmmmmm.
Err, not that I would no anything about pot... :)
But turkey and pie - I'm a fair expert in these categories!
Post a Comment
<< Home