More Nekkid People
So I got a junk mail offer from Penthouse today. The primary difference between a magazine like Penthouse and one like Playboy is in how a man can justify owning it to ones female relations.
A man can claim to read Playboy. There are articles about the same type of people one might read about in People magazine or Men's Health. There are works off fiction by well respected authors. While there are certainly silicone enhanced beauties inside an issue of Playboy the layouts are usually tasteful and the women are never posed in the classic legs behind the head you can almost see their cervix sort of way. Famous women and hopeful ammeters will pose for Playboy because it might help their careers.
Then there is the Penthouse variety of smut. The highlight of the reading material would have to be the letters. Men and women write in graphic depictions of their outrageous erotic encounters. Many letters use the phrase, "throbbing manhood" or the one about the moist whatnot. The women pictured are often stars of adult film with more make up and better lighting. The layouts are straight out of the male fantasy. There are nurses, librarians and teachers. Men are firemen or plumber. It is not unusual for the plumber or doctor to find himself in a situation where he must please multiple women.
So a woman finds a man's stash of Playboys and there may be anger. (It is possible there may not be anger.) The magazines will end up getting accidentally thrown out sooner or later. Then the moment will pass.
A woman finds a man's stash of Penthouse. There is definitely anger. The woman feels cheated on. The magazines may be thrown about. They may be lit on fire. Five years later the woman will get angry about the magazines just because something reminded her of that moment. The man can never live this down.
So of course I opened the junk mail from Penthouse. No nekkid photos. The publishers want to offer me a year's subscription for less than twenty dollars. I think, "I'm single. I like nekkid women. I've got that kind of money in my wallet!" Then I threw the offer in the trash.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not better than that. I can see nekkid people on the internet for free and without accumulating an embarrassing collection of magazines. (Because you can not just throw away good smut like it was a Newsweek. These things must be saved. Cherished. Passed on to future generations).
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A man can claim to read Playboy. There are articles about the same type of people one might read about in People magazine or Men's Health. There are works off fiction by well respected authors. While there are certainly silicone enhanced beauties inside an issue of Playboy the layouts are usually tasteful and the women are never posed in the classic legs behind the head you can almost see their cervix sort of way. Famous women and hopeful ammeters will pose for Playboy because it might help their careers.
Then there is the Penthouse variety of smut. The highlight of the reading material would have to be the letters. Men and women write in graphic depictions of their outrageous erotic encounters. Many letters use the phrase, "throbbing manhood" or the one about the moist whatnot. The women pictured are often stars of adult film with more make up and better lighting. The layouts are straight out of the male fantasy. There are nurses, librarians and teachers. Men are firemen or plumber. It is not unusual for the plumber or doctor to find himself in a situation where he must please multiple women.
So a woman finds a man's stash of Playboys and there may be anger. (It is possible there may not be anger.) The magazines will end up getting accidentally thrown out sooner or later. Then the moment will pass.
A woman finds a man's stash of Penthouse. There is definitely anger. The woman feels cheated on. The magazines may be thrown about. They may be lit on fire. Five years later the woman will get angry about the magazines just because something reminded her of that moment. The man can never live this down.
So of course I opened the junk mail from Penthouse. No nekkid photos. The publishers want to offer me a year's subscription for less than twenty dollars. I think, "I'm single. I like nekkid women. I've got that kind of money in my wallet!" Then I threw the offer in the trash.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not better than that. I can see nekkid people on the internet for free and without accumulating an embarrassing collection of magazines. (Because you can not just throw away good smut like it was a Newsweek. These things must be saved. Cherished. Passed on to future generations).
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 1:51 AM
2 Comments:
I don't know man, as long as he's not compulsive and maniacal about it--or a regular at some freeway "Adult Bookstore", I really couldn't care less that my husband might wanna read some porn mags. I think most women accept the fact that a man's relationship with porn has absolutely no relation to his relationship with his significant other. (though my aunt once refused to talk to my uncle during an entire Christmas because he'd gone to a company gathering--he's a construction worker--at Hooters. I found that particularly hilarious. I'm sure that every waitress at Hooters dreams of nothing less than sinking her claws into a 40-something married guy with a bitchy wife and four kids...and moreover, that he's ready to give up everything for the honor of a waitress in shorty orange shorts.)
I say, if you want the cheap Penthouse, get the cheap Penthouse...but you're right...why bother when there's the internet? Plus, you don't live alone. And the last thing I'd wanna hear from either of my parents is: "Sarah, your Penthouse arrived!"
Sadly, Playgirl magazine is on the same line as Hustler. The men are always posed in idiotic positions--usually, it's so artsy fartsy that i laugh, the magazine is also geared toward gay men--look at the products being marketed--a blow up doll with --i don't have a term other than "multiple orifices" (wft would a gal do with that) and it even has the reader submitted smut stories. Playboy is far classier. Oh, and playgirl doesn’t have the classic three page centerfold. Oh, and no jokes or cool articles--the articles on birth control, std's, what to ask your doctor.....they tend to be vague and uninteresting.
You might ask how i know this. It so happens that the magazine subscription was a gag gift that i decided to keep. The playboy was a gag gift that i gave in return and since the recipient lives with me, i read it with him.
I feel kinda weird sharing this, but hey, if you don’t like me because of it, I will just have to write you off as shallow. : )
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