Query: Chocolate Milk
Is it just me, or is it impossible to sip chocolate milk?
So the old man is always sneaking a half gallon or a quart of the good stuff into the groceries. This is the same man who got rid of all the butter in the house after my mom had her heart attack. He will often forget to buy things on the shopping list like chips or frozen pizzas. There is always a fresh head of lettuce. He claims the chocolate milk is me, an occasional prize. The truth is that it is almost every trip to the grocery store, and any time he drives past the oberwiess dairy. It is not an occasional treat for me. It is a regular treat for him, that he lets me share, so he can continue in his almost martyr like behavior of never buying anything for himself.
So we have chocolate milk. It sits in the fridge and calls my name. I pour myself a glass. The next think I know the glass is empty and I feel somewhat bloated. I consider another glass. I'm not sure if I breathe at all the entire time the glass is at my lips.
Now this is quality chocolate milk. Every ounce a strong cocoa flavor. If one were smart one could leisurely sip at the treat and make this immense pleasure last. But no. The milk touches the tongue and I cant get that silk wonder sauce down fast enough. This stuff is like hard drugs. You never do just a little bit. It is all or nothing.
So what I want to know is whether the chocolate and sugar are that addictive, or is it something more sinister. Are the dairies owned by some secret society hell bent on keeping the population fat and lethargic. Are they putting something highly addictive in this milk? Are they perhaps breading mutant cows. Is it something to do with the high level of hormones used to keep the cows producing milk and would that explain man boobs?
These are important questions that demand immediate attention.
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So the old man is always sneaking a half gallon or a quart of the good stuff into the groceries. This is the same man who got rid of all the butter in the house after my mom had her heart attack. He will often forget to buy things on the shopping list like chips or frozen pizzas. There is always a fresh head of lettuce. He claims the chocolate milk is me, an occasional prize. The truth is that it is almost every trip to the grocery store, and any time he drives past the oberwiess dairy. It is not an occasional treat for me. It is a regular treat for him, that he lets me share, so he can continue in his almost martyr like behavior of never buying anything for himself.
So we have chocolate milk. It sits in the fridge and calls my name. I pour myself a glass. The next think I know the glass is empty and I feel somewhat bloated. I consider another glass. I'm not sure if I breathe at all the entire time the glass is at my lips.
Now this is quality chocolate milk. Every ounce a strong cocoa flavor. If one were smart one could leisurely sip at the treat and make this immense pleasure last. But no. The milk touches the tongue and I cant get that silk wonder sauce down fast enough. This stuff is like hard drugs. You never do just a little bit. It is all or nothing.
So what I want to know is whether the chocolate and sugar are that addictive, or is it something more sinister. Are the dairies owned by some secret society hell bent on keeping the population fat and lethargic. Are they putting something highly addictive in this milk? Are they perhaps breading mutant cows. Is it something to do with the high level of hormones used to keep the cows producing milk and would that explain man boobs?
These are important questions that demand immediate attention.
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 1:13 AM
3 Comments:
I could agree with the theory that chocolate milk could be part of some sinister and addictive plan.
I cannot, not drink it, when it is the house. I cannot control myself while drinking it. And I am lactose intolerant and it is a guarantee it will give me serious gastric pain and "consequences".
And yet, I drink anyway.......
Bear, I laughed at your comment because it may as well have been me who wrote it--I too am a lactose intolerant chocolate milk feind. And soy milk--I don't know about you, but BLEH.
Rich, you're on to something. You could use this to take over the world, or at least work it into the scheme of things.
Isn't Oberweis running for office?
If you feel an uncontrollable urge to vote for him you know the secret of the chocolate milk :)
Oberweis milk/products are extremely yummy.
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