The Man Club
So we already know that I don't quite qualify for the super macho division of the man club. I don't like sports. I'm not into tools. I know absolutely nothing about car make and models. The act of driving terrifies me. I don't carry a condom in my wallet (Though at my age it moves from being a symbol of spontaneous manly ability to get lucky at almost any time without warning to a sort of religious talisman of the desperate man who will let nothing stand in the way of the rare opportunity).
I've got a few of the male typical saving graces that just keep me on the right side of the cut off point for inclusion in the man club. I've got the geek thing going. I'm pretty knowledgeable about the different tech toys men rely on. I'm big which really isn't a talent but it is kind of mother nature's bonus points. Big hulking football player sized men are just assumed to be manly by divine decree. It may not be fair but I'll take what I can get. I've got the entire scout training knowledge of fire, knots and sharp objects. I can spend a week in the woods away from amenities of toiletries and not be repulsed by my own stench. (Other people my run in panic but I'm all right with it). I've got a pretty strong stomach for nasty work like cleaning up after adult accidents (vomit etc.) I find child like mirth in leaving a silent but deadly bomb for someone else to walk into. (I don't think any man grows out of that not matter how much they deny it). I don't use any kind of hair or body products besides bar soap and shampoo.
While my list of macho male qualities seems long it really doesn't stack up very well against things like sports and cars. While my ability to hold my liquor probably would go in the plus column in reality its never been a bonus so I can not put it there in good conscious.
So now my current dilemma is this: It has been exceptionally dry lately and I've noticed that some of my skin was getting flaky. I've already made the decision to use lubriderm on my feet at nights because there is nothing quite as painful as a splitting dried out feets (my room is extremely dry in comparison to the rest of the house). So do I have to turn in my man club card altogether if I start moisturizing just to keep from having flaky skin? Will this tip the scales completely? I don't know. If I'm not going anywhere what does it matter if I have flaky skin. If I just lie and say I'm not using it when in fact I am will the Man Club central command swear in a grand jury to investigate. Is it really a big deal? Will the private parts just shrivel up and fall off of their own accord? Can I find the answer with a Google search?
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I've got a few of the male typical saving graces that just keep me on the right side of the cut off point for inclusion in the man club. I've got the geek thing going. I'm pretty knowledgeable about the different tech toys men rely on. I'm big which really isn't a talent but it is kind of mother nature's bonus points. Big hulking football player sized men are just assumed to be manly by divine decree. It may not be fair but I'll take what I can get. I've got the entire scout training knowledge of fire, knots and sharp objects. I can spend a week in the woods away from amenities of toiletries and not be repulsed by my own stench. (Other people my run in panic but I'm all right with it). I've got a pretty strong stomach for nasty work like cleaning up after adult accidents (vomit etc.) I find child like mirth in leaving a silent but deadly bomb for someone else to walk into. (I don't think any man grows out of that not matter how much they deny it). I don't use any kind of hair or body products besides bar soap and shampoo.
While my list of macho male qualities seems long it really doesn't stack up very well against things like sports and cars. While my ability to hold my liquor probably would go in the plus column in reality its never been a bonus so I can not put it there in good conscious.
So now my current dilemma is this: It has been exceptionally dry lately and I've noticed that some of my skin was getting flaky. I've already made the decision to use lubriderm on my feet at nights because there is nothing quite as painful as a splitting dried out feets (my room is extremely dry in comparison to the rest of the house). So do I have to turn in my man club card altogether if I start moisturizing just to keep from having flaky skin? Will this tip the scales completely? I don't know. If I'm not going anywhere what does it matter if I have flaky skin. If I just lie and say I'm not using it when in fact I am will the Man Club central command swear in a grand jury to investigate. Is it really a big deal? Will the private parts just shrivel up and fall off of their own accord? Can I find the answer with a Google search?
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posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 1:29 AM
6 Comments:
Add a humidifier to your room, it's less sissy than actual lotion.
Try Curel, they have unscented...so you can still smell manly.
Dont forget your elbows!
Dont look at it as loosing man points, you'll be more touchable!
sissy! (j/k)
seriously, i was gonna suggest a humidifier, but i see that's been said already.
i've been called "metrosexual" before. i hate that.
There is nothing at all wrong with lotion. And the unscented ones work just as well, like Sheri said.
I see nothing manly about dry, flaky skin. No, smooth, touchable skin - oh yeah.
Unscented is good. Perfumed stuff can get irritating. So the weather beaten rugged thing man of leather is not good eh? heh.
Any lotion you can buy at a warehouse club in a giant bottle with a pump dispenser...I imagine there are quite a few guys with one of those "handy" anyway.
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