Here Comes The Tickle Monster
So anyway the aunt is in town. We never really know when to expect these visits. Usually the kind of notice is something along the lines of a phone call that goes something like this, "I'm at midway airport. Can anyone pick me up?" This time was a little different. One of my uncles (her brother) was recently hospitalized after some sort of seizure like event they still haven't found the cause of, and she being a doctor thought it might not be a bad idea if she came to spend some time with her brother and see how he is doing. After the event we knew she would be coming "soon" just not exactly when. Last Tuesday we got a call a day in advance. The tickets were worked out she was flying in.
After a day of driving 3 hours to Boise and waiting in airports for flights (you just cant get a straight trip from Boise to Chicago on the cheap. Its always through Minneapolis or Denver) she wasn't about to just travel on out to Joliet (cant even estimate the travel time). A day of rest and Chicago style food is needed. So it wasn't until Friday that she finally commandeered one of the mini vans and braved the areas south of Chicago. It was an overnight affair. We didn't expect to see her again till Saturday afternoon.
Late Saturday night my aunt comes strolling in. She grabs a beer. She drinks her beer. She is ready to report.
My Uncle is doing fine. He has a good support system. He lives with his baby brother and his family (technically they live with him in that it is his house but that is neither her nor there). The odd thing is the boy. The boy is sixteen. The boy has lost a bit of weight over the past couple years and now he has a girlfriend. The boy is the dictionary definition of hormone infused energy. He practically bounces off the walls these days. My aunt tortures the boy for a bit by making em sit still while she talks to his girlfriend. Finally the teens get up and go into the boys room. My aunt asks her baby brother about this unsupervised situation. He replies "It's fine. They aren't allowed to close the door."
The aunt wanders by the door after a bit. The teens are making out hot and heavy. She goes back to visiting with her brothers. Later still she makes a point of wandering by the door again (she notices that neither of her brothers has even bothered to think about going in that direction). The teens are not only making out, but they are under the blankets making out. Holy Teen pregnancy batman.
By this point the elder of the brothers has escaped down to his part of the house. My aunt asks baby brother if he has spoken to the boy about birth control. My uncle replies, "The boy likes to play tickle."
Holy avoiding reality batman. If "playing tickle" is feeling up a young lady while making out with her, then hey sign me up to play tickle.
My aunt eventually convinces her baby brother that perhaps he ought to have a talk with the boy. Next she goes to track down the escaped brother. He may need a walker after the event (he broke an ankle too) but he can get away from an uncomfortable situation right quick. My aunt is even more blunt with the elder brother. As an uncle he might take it upon himself to just go and buy the boy condoms. I picture him walking up to the counter at the store, using his walker mind you, in the small town where everyone knows em, and buying a pack of condoms. These people are going to going to think he's either mighty ambitious for a man in his condition or maybe perhaps he is loosing his mind.
What blows my mind is that none of these people thought perhaps the boy might need to learn the fine art of masturbation. A couple years back the elder brother gave me his collection of playboy magazines (I thought I was getting the mother load of science fiction magazines. Instead it was airbrushed photos of silicon enhanced anorexics. Sure they have some good stories in em but I would have been happier with the science fiction). The boy had been caught steeling the magazines. Perhaps now is the time to rethink this plan. Who needs the magazines more, the thirty two year old man who has a high speed internet connection, or the 16 year old boy who is likes to "play tickle".
The problem with what I am implying, of course, is that is illegal. The viewing of pornographic materials by people under the age of 18 is the kind of stuff that gets adults thrown in jail for a long time. Never mind these kids are practically dripping hormones, the sight of a nekkid person might warp their fragile young minds. Much better to risk teenage pregnancy.
In Summary: Beware anyone wanting to play tickle.
More Laters
After a day of driving 3 hours to Boise and waiting in airports for flights (you just cant get a straight trip from Boise to Chicago on the cheap. Its always through Minneapolis or Denver) she wasn't about to just travel on out to Joliet (cant even estimate the travel time). A day of rest and Chicago style food is needed. So it wasn't until Friday that she finally commandeered one of the mini vans and braved the areas south of Chicago. It was an overnight affair. We didn't expect to see her again till Saturday afternoon.
Late Saturday night my aunt comes strolling in. She grabs a beer. She drinks her beer. She is ready to report.
My Uncle is doing fine. He has a good support system. He lives with his baby brother and his family (technically they live with him in that it is his house but that is neither her nor there). The odd thing is the boy. The boy is sixteen. The boy has lost a bit of weight over the past couple years and now he has a girlfriend. The boy is the dictionary definition of hormone infused energy. He practically bounces off the walls these days. My aunt tortures the boy for a bit by making em sit still while she talks to his girlfriend. Finally the teens get up and go into the boys room. My aunt asks her baby brother about this unsupervised situation. He replies "It's fine. They aren't allowed to close the door."
The aunt wanders by the door after a bit. The teens are making out hot and heavy. She goes back to visiting with her brothers. Later still she makes a point of wandering by the door again (she notices that neither of her brothers has even bothered to think about going in that direction). The teens are not only making out, but they are under the blankets making out. Holy Teen pregnancy batman.
By this point the elder of the brothers has escaped down to his part of the house. My aunt asks baby brother if he has spoken to the boy about birth control. My uncle replies, "The boy likes to play tickle."
Holy avoiding reality batman. If "playing tickle" is feeling up a young lady while making out with her, then hey sign me up to play tickle.
My aunt eventually convinces her baby brother that perhaps he ought to have a talk with the boy. Next she goes to track down the escaped brother. He may need a walker after the event (he broke an ankle too) but he can get away from an uncomfortable situation right quick. My aunt is even more blunt with the elder brother. As an uncle he might take it upon himself to just go and buy the boy condoms. I picture him walking up to the counter at the store, using his walker mind you, in the small town where everyone knows em, and buying a pack of condoms. These people are going to going to think he's either mighty ambitious for a man in his condition or maybe perhaps he is loosing his mind.
What blows my mind is that none of these people thought perhaps the boy might need to learn the fine art of masturbation. A couple years back the elder brother gave me his collection of playboy magazines (I thought I was getting the mother load of science fiction magazines. Instead it was airbrushed photos of silicon enhanced anorexics. Sure they have some good stories in em but I would have been happier with the science fiction). The boy had been caught steeling the magazines. Perhaps now is the time to rethink this plan. Who needs the magazines more, the thirty two year old man who has a high speed internet connection, or the 16 year old boy who is likes to "play tickle".
The problem with what I am implying, of course, is that is illegal. The viewing of pornographic materials by people under the age of 18 is the kind of stuff that gets adults thrown in jail for a long time. Never mind these kids are practically dripping hormones, the sight of a nekkid person might warp their fragile young minds. Much better to risk teenage pregnancy.
In Summary: Beware anyone wanting to play tickle.
More Laters
posted by Rich Rosenthal II at 1:22 AM
2 Comments:
If the sixteen-year-old in question is worth his salt, he already has a porn source... but he sure as Hell ain't gonna tell Dad or Aunt or Cousin Steve about it. By the time my Old Man thought it was about time I learned about such things as skin mags and beer, I was already an alcoholic smutophile.
actually, one of the finer points of playboy is that not all of the girls are anorexic looking. Some of them look like they weigh more than i do. Granted, they don't have blemishes and there isn't the slightest bit of cellulite--they are airbrushed to perfection, but they don't make me feel like a sack of lard.
Nothing like a baby to remind you that certain precautions are necessary when playing tickle---good ole denial wins again.
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